Two lеsвiаns are out golfing. On the third tee, they both hit their respective ball and one sails to the left, the other goes to the right.
The first woman finds her ball in a field of buttercups. She hits a beautiful shot and sends the ball sailing very close to the green. Unfortunately, she destroys the buttercups.
Suddenly a goddess appears and says, “I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you have treated my buttercups. As a consequence, from this moment forward, each time you taste butter you will be sickened to the point of total nausea. You will never be able to eat butter again.” The goddess then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the lеsвiаn calls to her partner ,”Hey, did you find your ball?”
The second lеsвiаn replies “Yes, it’s over here in these рussy willows.”
The first lеsвiаn yells, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!!”
There were three nuns driving down a highway one afternoon when they lost control of their car and plunged off a cliff.
They awoke and found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walked toward them and, after greeting them, told them that they would have to answer one question each before they were admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven.
This made the nuns very nervous. They had never heard of this requirement before. Finally, one nun stepped forward and said, “St. Peter, I’m ready for my question.”
St. Peter replied, “Your question is: Who was the first man on earth?”
The nun breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Why, it was Adam.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
This was a cause of great relief to the remaining nuns. The second stepped forward without hesitation.
St. Peter said, “And you must tell me who the first woman on earth was.”
Another great sigh of relief, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Eve,” the nun replied.
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
The third nun was brimming with excitement. “I’m ready St. Peter!”
St. Peter said, “All right, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”
The nun was shocked. “Oooooooooh, that’s a hard one.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can on to the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it's paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Every 50 ft or so the bunny would stop, look back, and wave. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can. He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:
"'Hair spray restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."