A young woman, watching her brother get dressed for a stag smoker asks, “What exactly is a stag smoker?”
“Hey,” says her brother, “It’s exclusively for men. Women couldn’t understand or appreciate the significance. It’s a secret.”
Curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to crash the smoker to see for herself what it’s all about - Men only, indeed!! She wraps a towel very tightly around her вrеаsтs, dresses in some of her brothers clothes, shirt, tie, pants and jacket. Being a little concerned about the bulge her вrеаsтs make through the jacket, she decides that if anyone mentions it she’d simply say that she was deformed.
After putting on a fake mustache and covering her hair with a hat she leaves for the smoker. As she boards a bus, the driver stares at her strangely.
“Hey, pal, Are you OK?” the bus driver asks.
The young lady responds, “Oh, yeah, I’m just a little deformed.”
“I guess the hеll you are,” says the bus driver, “your fly is open and your аsshоlе is showing!”
A rather scruffy-looking man came into a bank. Reaching the head of the line, he said to the teller, "I wanna open a dамn checking account."
"Certainly, sir," answered the teller, "but there's no need to use that kind of language."
"Could you move it along man? I just wanna open a dамn checking account," growled the would-be customer.
"I'll be glad to be of service, sir," said the teller, flushing slightly, "but I would appreciate not being spoken to in that way."
"What the hеll? Just let me open a dамn checking account, okay?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak to the branch manager," said the annoyed teller, slipping off his stool and returning shortly with a woman who asked how she could be of service.
"Неll, I just won the TEN MILLION DOLLAR lottery," snarled the man, "and all I wanna do is open a dамn checking account."
"I see," said the manager sympathetically. "And this МОRОN is giving you trouble?"
At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.
“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.”
“I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,”volunteered a third.
“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you! said a fourth.
“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!” exclaimed another.
“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said an elderly gent.
“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.
“Well, count your blessings,” said one woman cheerfully, “thankfully, we can all still drive.”