While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant and as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat."
Two lеsвiаns are out golfing. On the third tee, they both hit their respective ball and one sails to the left, the other goes to the right.
The first woman finds her ball in a field of buttercups. She hits a beautiful shot and sends the ball sailing very close to the green. Unfortunately, she destroys the buttercups.
Suddenly a goddess appears and says, “I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you have treated my buttercups. As a consequence, from this moment forward, each time you taste butter you will be sickened to the point of total nausea. You will never be able to eat butter again.” The goddess then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the lеsвiаn calls to her partner ,”Hey, did you find your ball?”
The second lеsвiаn replies “Yes, it’s over here in these рussy willows.”
The first lеsвiаn yells, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!!”
There were three nuns driving down a highway one afternoon when they lost control of their car and plunged off a cliff.
They awoke and found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter walked toward them and, after greeting them, told them that they would have to answer one question each before they were admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven.
This made the nuns very nervous. They had never heard of this requirement before. Finally, one nun stepped forward and said, “St. Peter, I’m ready for my question.”
St. Peter replied, “Your question is: Who was the first man on earth?”
The nun breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Why, it was Adam.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
This was a cause of great relief to the remaining nuns. The second stepped forward without hesitation.
St. Peter said, “And you must tell me who the first woman on earth was.”
Another great sigh of relief, “Oooooooooh, that’s an easy one. Eve,” the nun replied.
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)
The third nun was brimming with excitement. “I’m ready St. Peter!”
St. Peter said, “All right, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”
The nun was shocked. “Oooooooooh, that’s a hard one.”
(And purple lights flashed, bells tolled, and a Heavenly choir of Angels sang as the gates of Heaven opened.)