Jokes about Women

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Three guys are skydiving and the first guy throws a brick out the window, the second guy throws a stone out the window, and the third guy throws a grenade out the window. When they land they decide to go walk into town, so they are walking down the street until they see a woman crying. The first guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The woman says, "A brick fell out the sky and killed my cat." So they continue down the street then see a young boy crying. The second guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The boy said that a stone fell out of the sky and killed his dog. They continue down the road until they see the man laughing his аss off. The third guy asks, "Whats so funny?" The man says, "I веnт down to pick up my news paper and I farted and my house blew up."

0

0

What every guy should look for in a woman; Sеxy, adventurous, nice, dedicated, witty, interesting, charming, and honest.... in short S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H.

0

0

A fат woman just served me at McDonalds. She said, "Sorry about the wait." I responded, "Don't worry, you'll lose that eventually."

0

0

What's easier to pick up, the heavier it gets?
Women.

0

0

When asked if they would have sеx with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, "Not again."

0

0

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and suскing the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and suскеd the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."

0

0

A woman at work is gonna have a baby...Â I just haven't decided which one."

0

0

Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Неll. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Неll, and the angel agrees. He gets to Неll and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere. He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a вiтсh when we were alive! Неll looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Неll says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine." The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom. The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion, and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Неll."

0

0

Women might be able to fake оrgаsмs. But men can fake a whole relationship.

0

0

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on the TV. The woman reporter shouts out 'This just in! A man Is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump' The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers, 'I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump.' The blonde responds 'You're on.'
So, both of the women stare at the news waiting to find out what happens next. Finally, the man jumps. The blonde turns to the redhead and hands her the $50. The redhead, feeling guilty, says 'I can't take that money. I saw the news earlier this morning. I knew he was going to jump off the cliff.' The blonde says, 'Well, I saw too. But I never wouls have thought that he'd do it again.'

0

0

A guy gets pulled over by a female cop.
He said, " I wasn't aware the kitchen had a speed limit."

0

0

A man walks into a bar, he asks for two shots the bar tender says to him we have a deal going on right now. The man replys whats the deal man? the bar tender says to him if you can drink this half gallon of whiskey in five minutes and keep it down for another five minutes, then go out back and pull the angry alligators tooth out and then lastly up stairs is a woman who has never had an оrgаsiм if you give her one and do the other two things in that order you can eat and drink here for free forever. The man said that sounds tough but I will try it any way so he chugs the whiskey drinks it in time and keep it down then goes out back about twenty minutes go by the people in the bar hear screaming and just pure pain the man walks back into the bar all tore up bleeding stumbling drunк and what not and looks over at the bar tender and says now where is that woman who needs her tooth pulled.

0

0

Being an ugly woman is like being a man, your gonna have to work.

0

0

One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

0

0

I like my women how I like my coffee....without a реnis.

0

0

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, "It's my husband, you have to leave!"
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman,
"Wait, I'm your husband!"
She replies giving him a dirтy look,
"So why did you run?"

0

0

Q: Why is a woman with no вrеаsтs a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest.

0

0

Q: How are women and a hurricane alike?
A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.

0

0