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Jokes about Women

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A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"
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An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida. At the border An old couple returning from Florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks...
Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man,
"Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says,
"We're from Nebraska."
Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?"
The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from."
"Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of аss I ever had was from Nebraska."
The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?"
The husband replies,
"He thinks he knows you, mama."
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An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies,
"The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Dамn it! The old fаrт's been рissing in the ice box again!"
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Their was four women right? and they all had a counsling session together. it was a class for addictions. so the coulsler guy turns to the group. " ok all of your addictions reflect in the name of your child." he looks at the first lady... your addicted to money theirfor your doughters name is penny. he turns to the second one. your addicted to food, and so your doughers name is kandi, he turns to the third one, and your adicted to метh, and ur doughters name is cristal, then he turns to the fourth women, and before he could say a word the lady stands up and says stop. then she grabs her sons hand and begins to leave... "c'mon diск were leaving".
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It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman. It doesn't matter if its visa or master card.
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A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies,
"Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says,
"Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"
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Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
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Man- What would you do if I won the lottery?
Woman- Take half and leave!
Man- Well, I won 20 bucks, here's 10, now get out!
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A man and woman are sitting on their porch drinking a вееr. The man says,
"I love you." The woman says,
"Is that you talking or the вееr talking?" The man says,
"That's me talking to the вееr!"
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The five most important qualities in a woman: one who is independent and helps around the house, one who can make you laugh, one who you can trust, one who is good in bed, and most importantly, one who should make sure these four women never meet.
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Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
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Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29? Because 30 is too many!
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God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.
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A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said,
"I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"
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An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its аss, pulls it out, smells it, and says,
"You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies,
"Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his вuтт cheeks and says,
"I don't know, why don't you tell me."
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Οι γυναίκες έχουν δύο ζευγάρια χείλη Hvorfor har kvinder to sæt læber? - Det ene bruger hun til at skælde ud med A mulher tem 4 lábios
Why do woman have two sets of lips? One set to tell you off with, and the other to make you forget you're mad!
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A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what's wrong and if there's anything he can do to help. The blonde replies,
"I lost my wedding ring." The officer asks, "Okay, where did you drop it?" The blonde says,
"About a block away, but the light is better here."
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There were three women. a brown headed a brunette and a blonde. they were talking then they started talking about sеx. The brown headed one said i'm gonna have 3 baby's. The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And the blonde started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And the blonde said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had sеx doggy style!
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