Jokes about Women

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After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting hоrny.
“Look,” says Bob, “Neither of us are gаy, but if you pretend to be a women for me, when I’m done, I’ll pretend to be a woman for you.”
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fuскs him up the аrsе. When it’s over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.
“Fuск off,” Bob replies, “I’ve got a headache.”

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God created man, stepped back and said “perfect!”
He then created woman, stepped back, had a long look and said “Oh Сrар! this”ll have to wear make up!”

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For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the воllоскs, or giving birth.
So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will say, “Let’s have another baby.”
But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, “Tell you what, buddy… Kick me in the воllоскs again.”

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1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.)Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiот and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom an can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.)Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!

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I can’t think of anything funny to say.
This must be how it feels to be a woman

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Female BRAIN:
20% Jewelry
20% Shoping
20% Money
20% Gossipng
10% Kitchen care
10% fcuk
Male Brain:
98% Fcuk
1% Who to Fсuк.?
1% Where to fсuк..

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I can’t believe all these women are marching today while their men sit home and starve.

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Apparently they’re making a remake of the Never Ending Story.
It starts with a Man asking a Woman how her day was.

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Why do women love sеx?
They love anything that involves moaning.

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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer…
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed
In the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep’a scrollin’…
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
Woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a
Car accident.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never frickin listen, either.

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A woman came up to me and asked if i would like to save a tree.
So i took her car keys off her.

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Women find it ‘disgusting’ that a man can look at a woman, evaluate multiple diverse factors to arrive at one number to rate her a on a scale from zero to ten. How is that any better than the fact that a woman can look at a man and evaluate him in his entirety on one number?
His annual salary.

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A woman asks her husband, “Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?” …
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“Pi,” said her husband. …
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“Oh!” she replied “That’s interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?” …
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“Yes,” he said. “But I was thinking that Pi is irrational, darling.”

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Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a ‘magic spell’ that would supposedly make women want to have sеx with me.
Worked like a fuскing charm.

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Man: What hand do you wipe your вuм with?
Woman: Right hand.
Man: Oh really, I use toilet paper.

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What’s a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?

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A man cares about his safety more than women. Why? Because he always carries a gun! (U known what I mean)

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Why did God create women ?
To carry sемеn from the bedroom to the toilet.

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