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Jokes about Women

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There was a man and his wife putting a password on their new computer. The man entered 'MYWILLIE'. The woman fell on the floor laughing her head off as the computer said 'Error! Not long enough'.
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I am done trying to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.
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I got pulled over by a sheriff today.
I noticed the cop was a woman, so I decided to take a chance and started to pull out my 9 millimeter.
But that just got me arrested for indecent exposure.
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A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.
Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.
The next day the second came up and the mother said,
"Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.
The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says,
"Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"
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I'm sending the woman I'm dating a drawing of our wedding.
And on the other side of the page her funeral so she knows what her options are.
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Guy: Hey dude I just saw this awesome movie the wife is brutally killed by a cold blooded killer and the son gets really hurt Then there's a twist and the son is kidnapped the father then begins a quest to find and save his son with the help of a mental ill female.
Girl: Sounds epic what's it called?
Guy: Finding Nemo
Girl:LOL !!!
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A guy is walking down the street and he sees his friend with a black eye. He asks him what happened.
His friends says,
"Well I was in church and..."
The man interrupts "Church! How do you get hurt in church?"
The friend continues, "Well I was sitting behind this woman Angelina, and after a while what with all the standing, sitting and kneeling, I noticed she had developed a wegie. Now me being a nice guy, I pulled it out for her. She turned around "WHACK"
"
The man says "I cant believe you did that", and continues walking.
A week later he sees his friend again and he has another black eye. He asks him what happened this time and his friend responds, "Well I was in church again..."
The man interrupts "CHURCH AGAIN? How do you keep getting hurt in church?!"
The friend explains, "Well, I was sitting behind Angelina again and..."
"Don't tell me you did it again"
"I did not, after all of the standing, sitting, and kneeling, I noticed the wegie again..."
"If you pulled it out again..."
"I did not pull it out. This time he husband was with her an he pulled it out for her. Now, I know she doesn't like that, so I pushed it back in."
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Man* haven't we met before?
Woman* Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic
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Today I got beaten by a woman. I was in the elevator when that вusтy thing got in. I was staring at her тiтs, when she said, would you please press 1? I did. I don't know why I got beaten afterwards.
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I hear if a woman has a tongue ring, she'll probably suск your diск, and if a guy has a tongue ring... he'll probably suск your diск too.
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Apparently if I don't forward a bit of chain mail I received, a dead woman will appear in my room at 1. AM. Guess who's getting laid tonight.
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I am so intuned with women that I can read her emotions just by lookin at her hands. For example..... if she's holding a gun she chances are she might be upset.
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Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind.
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One day a man walks into a whоrе house. He goes to the рiмр and says, “I want
Something different.”
The рiмр says “Well, we have one girl that loves to take it up the аss.”
“No, that’s too common. I want something different.”
“Well, have you ever tried a Hurricane Gussy?”
“I’ll be dамnеd, that is different. I’ll try that.”
The man goes up to the room and takes off his clothes. A minute later a huge
Amazon type women comes in. She starts jumping up and down, blowing as hard as
She can. The man says, “What the hеll are you doing?”
“I’m Hurricane Gussy and that is the wind coming from the Hurricane.”
“OK, I’ll buy that.”
Then she starts beating him over the head with her вrеаsтs.
“What the hеll are you doing?”
“Those are the coconuts nuts falling off the tree hittin’ you on the head.”
The man says alright. Then she stands over top of him and starts рissing all
Over him. “What the hеll are you doing?!!”
“Those are the warm rains coming from the hurricane.”
The man gets up and starts to put on his clothes. Gussy says, “Where are you
Going?”
“I’m leaving!! Who can fсuк in this weather?!”
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Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? No phone numbers.
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Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
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They say a woman’s work is never done.
Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
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If a woman says she’s wrong, is she still wrong?
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