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Jokes about Women

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Women are the quickest to learn the three R’s. This is R’s, that’s R’s, everything’s R’s.
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I went on the Splash Mountain roller coaster and the woman next to me wouldn’t stop screaming her fool head off. …
Seriously, it was like she’d never seen a pεnis before.
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What are the three words women hate to hear during sеx? "Honey, I'm home!"
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How are women and deer similar?
Their value goes up based on their rack size!
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A Chinese guy sees his mate flirting with a woman this is what they said:
Mate: I'm entirely innocent! I just happen to be passing this certain young lady, whoever she is! Woman: Why's he wearing a lampshade? (referring to his Chinese hat) Chinese guy: If you want it, it's yours!
Woman: But what would I be doing with a lampshade?
Chinese guy: Get yourself a lamp, and it'll make a change from turning my mate on!
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I’m so bad with women I can’t even get them to take their gloves off.
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The teacher asks a pretty female student:
“Name three plays by Shakespeare.”
“4 inches, 8 inches and 12 inches.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
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A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organisation.
So I gave her some Razors.
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The first thing I look for in a woman is Intelligence.
Because if she doesn’t have that there’s a good chance I can fuск her.
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There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.
One is to take her shopping.
The rest is 69.
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Women always say that men can’t multitask.
Men in fact can multitask, they put up with your вullshiт and still somehow live at the same time.
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After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting hоrny.
“Look,” says Bob, “Neither of us are gаy, but if you pretend to be a women for me, when I’m done, I’ll pretend to be a woman for you.”
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fuскs him up the аrsе. When it’s over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.
“Fuск off,” Bob replies, “I’ve got a headache.”
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For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the воllоскs, or giving birth.
So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will say, “Let’s have another baby.”
But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, “Tell you what, buddy… Kick me in the воllоскs again.”
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Borrow five dollars from a woman and they will forget.
Borrow a piece of Tupperware from a woman and they will hunt you down to every corner of the planet.
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1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.)Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiот and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom an can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.)Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!
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I can’t think of anything funny to say.
This must be how it feels to be a woman
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Female BRAIN:
20% Jewelry
20% Shoping
20% Money
20% Gossipng
10% Kitchen care
10% fcuk
Male Brain:
98% Fcuk
1% Who to Fсuк.?
1% Where to fсuк..
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I can’t believe all these women are marching today while their men sit home and starve.
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