Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes

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Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunк but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suск on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re suскing on my diск so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suск on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunк on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
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A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a вееr and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world.
"It is the laser," said the soldier, an man of obviously superior intellect. "The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target, you can use it to gather important telemetry information and you can even use it for photography that is almost tri-dimensional."
"No," interjected the sailor, also an intelligent person, but obviously standing in the shadow of the soldier's phenomenal mind. "It is radar. With radar you can track incoming aircraft and missiles, you can determine the speed of the particular vehicles that are approaching your ship and, if you use it right, you can even heat your lunch."
"I disagree," said the airman, a man of, well he's an airman and all airmen are borne out of a diminishing gene pool. "The greatest invention is the thermos."
"The thermos?" exclaimed the other two.
"Yup, a thermos," he said. "I mean, just think about it. If you want something hot you put hot stuff in it. If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it."
"Yeah, so?" quizzed the other two.
"Well," said the airman, "How does it know?"
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Син за пример Две жени разговарят: O pai bêbado orgulhoso diz para o amigo: — Eu tenho o filho que todo pai quer ter. O amigo desconfiado pergunta: — Hum
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Das leere Glas Билдерот и разочараниот маж Η χειρότερη μέρα της ζωής μου сидит однажды в баре грустный такой мужичок и печально взирает на... Το δηλητήριο В кръчмата - отчаян дребен мъж...пред него - бира. Влиза як здравеняк В бара. Влиза един в кръчмата Karl sitzt ganz niedergeschlagen vor einem Glas Bier in einer Kneipe. Сидит очень грустный мужчина в ресторане A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. O sujeito estava no fundo do bar Un homme maigrichon assis au bar regarde son verre depuis un bon bout de temps. à un certain moment En ung man hade suttit vid en bar med ett glas framför sig i en timme. Då kom en stor Ein kleiner Mann sitzt traurig in der Kneipe... vor sich ein Bier...Kommt ein richtiger Kerl... haut dem kleinen auf die Schulter... trinkt dessen Bier aus... der kleine fängt an zu weinen... Der... Een klein mannetje zit in een bar naar zijn glas te staren. Een half uur lang beweegt hij zich totaal niet. Er komt een levensgrote trucker binnen en deze gaat naast hem zitten. Hij pakt het glas... Un pauvre petit bonhomme est dans un bar depuis une demi-heure. il contemple tristement son verre de bière en soupirant. Tout à coup Det var en man som hade suttit vid en bar med en drink framför sig i en timme Un señor de mediana edad lleva una hora sentado en un bar mirando la copa sin beberla Det var en ung kille som satt på en bar. Då kom en packad
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
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