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Dad Jokes

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Το ανθρώπινο γένος - мама Учителката по богословие говори за първият мъж и първата жена Госпожо Учителката пита: Детенце пита: - Мамо A child asked his father - Mamá O filho pergunta para o pai: Dialogo tra madre e figlio. Mamá Jasiu pyta ojca: - Tato Ein Religionslehrer erklärt den Schülern die Entstehung des Menschen: "... und deshalb sind Adam und Eva unsere Vorfahren!" Meldet sich Max: "Aber meine Eltern sagen Een dochter tegen haar moeder: "Mama Jantje vraagt op een dag aan zijn vader: "Papa papa Le pregunta Martina a su madre: - Mamá Kristendomsfröken till klassen: - Vi härstammar alla från Adam och Eva. Pelle som sitter längst bak i klassrummet opponerar sig: - Men fröken Die kleine Paula fragt ihren Vater: "Papa Ei lita jente spurte far sin: – Hvordan ble menneskene til? Faren svarte: – Gud skapte Adam og Eva Din dersi öğretmeni Una niña pregunta a su madre: -¿Cómo se creó la raza humana? -Pues hija Bir gün din kültürü öğretmeni öğrencilere: - Bizim soyumuz Adem ve Havva'dan geliyor demiş. Mehmet söz alarak: - Ama öğretmenim babam bana soyumuzun maymundan geldiğini söyledi. öğretmen; - Sizin... Le pregunta un niño a su mamá de dónde venían los seres humanos Op een dag vraagt een meisje aan haar mama: “Mama Çocuğun biri babasına sormuş : - Baba biz nasıl olduk? Baba cevap vermiş “maymunlar türeye türeye biz olduk” demiş… Tabi çocuk babasının lafına inanmamış. Annesine biz nasıl olduk demiş? Annesi - Mama A 6 éves Panka megkérdezi az anyukájától: - Anyu Puisēns jautā tēvam: - «Kā radās cilvēki?» Tēvs: - «Reiz dzīvoja Ieva un Ādams. Viņiem piedzima bērni Дете ја прашува мајката: - Мамо како настанале луѓето? - Од мајмуни сине! После тоа детето оди кај татко си: - Тато како настанале луѓето? - Господ ги створил сине! - Ама мама вика дека се... Une petite fille demande à sa mère: - Maman Un jour
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?" The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
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Q: Wanna know the biggest lie my dad ever told me?
A: I'll be back.
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This dudes walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds to get increasingly drunк. Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him. "Aye you!" he shouts ."I've shagged your mom!!" The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy's drunken rantings. Half an hour later the drunк stands up and renews his abuse. "Aye you!" he shouts even louder this time "I shagged your mom up the аss!" The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking with his friends although by now visibly irate. Half a hour later the drunк pipes up once again. "Aye you, your mom suскеd my diск!!" By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up furiously and retorts, "For god sake Dad go home, you're embarassing me!"
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You might be a redneck if, your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
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Брат - Брат
A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad
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So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice:
"You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads."
"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.
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Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it.
The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says, "Yes, I know who you are."
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you $10 you've got a mole on your вuтт."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down, shows him her вuтт, and there is no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why.
His dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your вuтт and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your аss before the day was over."
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me: dad, can I have some money for some coke?
dad: yeah sure. is $300 enough? it was expensive in my day
me: the drink, dad...
dad:......right.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger hat einen langen - Какво е това
Michael J Fox has a small one. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Nuns dont have one. The pope has one but doesn't use it. Your dad has one but you mom uses it as well.
What is it? It's a last name of course.
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My Mom + My Dad - Соndом = Coolest Person Ever
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Dad: A bird told me that you were doing drugs
Son: Obviously you're the one doing drugs if you think a bird told you that...
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On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, "Why doesn't the stork recognize me?"
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My Dad: People overcome adversity all the time son… Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
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Little Johnny’s teacher was grading student essays about actual family experiences. She came upon Little Johnny’s paper entitled, “The time my dad told me to jump out of the tree and he would catch me.”

Tearing up his teacher knew she’d been too hard on little Johnny for misbehaving and such. She felt terrible just knowing how hard his life must be. Not wanting to read each painful word she decided to give Little Johnny an 'A' without reading it.

Surprised to see an 'A', Johnny was quite puzzled. He thought to himself, "My teacher couldn’t have like the part when my dad caught me and told me that some people can be trusted. She must have liked the part where I stomped on his big toe and called him a wimp."
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As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Dad, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, “What’s wrong honey?”
“Daddy, where’s my bogey?”
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I rather nervously met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time last night.
My parents just told me to be honest as that’s the way I was brought up.
So when he asked me what I did for fun, I remembered what they told me and said, “Your daughter”.
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Dad:
"Say daddy!"
Baby:
"Mommy!"

Dad:
"Come on, say daddy!"
Baby:
"Mommy!"

Dad:
"Dаrn it, say daddy!"
Baby:
"Dаrn it, Mommy!"

[Mom comes home and joins the conversation.]
Mom:
"Honey, I'm home!"
Baby:
"Dаrn it!"

Mom:
"Who taught you that?"
Baby:
"Daddy!"
Dad: ...
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My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the соndом company…
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