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Dirty jokes

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Girl: mom is it true that a baby comes out from the place the guy puts in his соск?
Mom: yes honey
Girl: ОМG so you mean my baby will come out of my mouth???
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Twinkle Twinkle little whore
Close your legs your not a door
Your gonna catch an STD
Your only wanted cause your free
Twinkle Twinkle little whоrе Your cheaper than the dollar store
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There was a person that went to the holding cell and the guard asked what are you doing here the person i was blowing bubbles in the park another person went in the holding cell and he said the same thing then a third person walked in the cell and the guard said let me guess you were blowing bubbles in the park third person said no sir i am bubbles
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Even though this isn't a petting zoo, you can still sтrоке my соск if you want.
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I heard you like Mickey D so i put on mouse ears.
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Малкия Иванчо пита баща си: - Тате Lille Ole: "Pappa - Apu! Hogy néz ki a lányok puncija? - Tudod kisfiam Синот: - Тато A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father
SON: How does a vаginа looks likes, dad?
DAD: Well, it's pink, soft,tight.
SON: How about after sеx?
DAD: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?
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Fieber messen Jaimito le dice a su maestra: - Maestra ven a mi casa a dormir. Frau beim Arzt: Жена отива на доктор: One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp O Joãozinho c hegou para Mariazinha e disse: Joãozinho encontra a Mariazinha e fala: — Mariazinha Ruft die Blondine: "Herr Doktor Przychodzi baba do lekarza i mówi Pistikéék táborba mentek. Mindenkinek jutott ágy Joaozinho perguntou para a sua amiga: — Mariazinha O Cebolinha disse para a Mônica: — Posso colocar o dedinho no seu umbiguinho? Ela responde: — Não ... — Deixa O joaozinho adorava sua professora Certo dia depois da aula Joãozinho Um dia antes da prova Pierino incontra una bambina con l'ombelico di fuori e come scherzo gli infila dentro il dito.... la bambina: "Che fai?" E Pierino: "Ti infilo dentro il dito nell'ombelico!!" E la bambina dice: "Ma...
Johnny's daddy is the principle of the school.
He saw his teacher leaving school.
Johnny:
"Hey miss where you going?"
Teacher:
"Home."
Johnny:
"Can I come with?"
Teacher:
" No!"
Johnny:
" I'm gonna tell my daddy!"
Teacher:
"Fine."
They arrive at the teachers house...
Teacher:
"Johnny i'm going to take a shower."
Johnny:
"Can I come?"
Teacher:
"No!"
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
They are in the shower...
Johnny:
"Can I touch your belly button?"
Teacher:
"No."
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
Teacher:
"Errr... Johnny thats not my belly button!"
Johnny:
" Thats not my finger."
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A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit.
They are showing their private parts.
They both ask each other "what is it?"
They both replied "I don't know?"
So that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said "It's a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage."
The girl asked her mom what hers was and her mom said "It's a pink a garage don't let any red a farahri park in it!"
The next day the girl came home with blood all over her hands.
Her mom said "whats that?"
Girl: Blood!"
Mom:
"From what?"
Girl:
"A red farahri tried to park in my pink garage so i pulled his wheels off!"
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Guy: Hey, I spilled water on your GF; you jelly?
Guy2: Why would I be jelly?
Guy:
'Cause I got her wet and you can't.
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Girl: Those f**king mosquitoes won't stop eating me up!
Boy: Well, tell them to let me have a turn.
Girl: What?
Boy: What?
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I know a gаy couple that says that they hate using condoms because, when they do, they can't feel shiт.
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Why women are like computers:
1. They are expensive.
2. They are never specific about problems.
3. They are difficult to figure out and crash inexplicably about once a month.
4. Sometimes you can't even get them turned on, especially if you don't have your floppy in.
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There was a man and his wife putting a password on their new computer. The man entered 'MYWILLIE'. The woman fell on the floor laughing her head off as the computer said 'Error! Not long enough'.
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One sреrм has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. This means a normal еjасulатiоn represents a data transfer of 1587GB in 3 seconds... and you thought 4G was fast.
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I'm not saying shes a sluт,
But I am saying that when she sees ваlls, she goes after them like a hungry hungry hippo.
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I was jerking to some роrn the other day when my mom walked in. It was crazy.
I had to rewind to make sure.
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A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.
Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.
The next day the second came up and the mother said,
"Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.
The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says,
"Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"
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A mom and her little girl walk in the park and they see two teenagers having sеx in the bushes (liitle girl)Mommy mommy what are the doing (Mom)there just making a cake.
Next Day the go to the zoo and they see two monkeys having sеx (llittle girl) Mommy mommy what are they doing (Mom) there making a cake
That Night she goes into her parents room and wakes them up (little girl) i know you and Daddy were making a cake on the couch today.(Mom) How do you know that (little girl) Because i licked the icing.
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