Jokes about Dogs

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Every morning this week a German Shepherd has been taking a dump on my lawn
Yesterday he brought his dog.

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What do you call a dog kennel in San Francisco?
Luxury apartments

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TIL Hellen Keller owned a dog. Did you know that?
Neither did she.

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As a farmer I've heard lots of jokes about sheep.
I told them to my dog but he'd heard them all.

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What do you call a dog owned by Donald Trump?
A trumpet.

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There's this dog teaching me some new dance moves.
He's a corgi-ographer.

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I don’t mind that my wife thinks I’m crazy.
I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.

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There is a dog in the front yard licking himself.
Two old men sitting on the front porch. There is a dog in the front yard that is licking himself.
First man, "I wish I could do that."
Second man, "That dog would bite you!"

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A bunny is hopping across the forest and sees a huge pile of роор. The bunny cautiously approaches, puts its finger in it, sniffs, licks lightly and says, “Aha! That’s dog роор. Lucky I didn’t step in it.”

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Why does your dog run into the corner each time the веll rings?
He’s a Boxer.

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At school:
Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.

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Mommy says to little Johnny, “Why are you sticking out your tongue at the dog? It’s not nice.”
Little Johnny says, “But the dog started it.”

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What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.

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What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!

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How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
Invite him to bark in the front seat.

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Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

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