Jokes about Dogs

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A bunny is hopping across the forest and sees a huge pile of роор. The bunny cautiously approaches, puts its finger in it, sniffs, licks lightly and says, “Aha! That’s dog роор. Lucky I didn’t step in it.”

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Why does your dog run into the corner each time the веll rings?
He’s a Boxer.

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At school:
Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.

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What kind of dog eats with his ears?
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They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.

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What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.

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What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!

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How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
Invite him to bark in the front seat.

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Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.

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I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

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What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

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Why don’t blind people parachute very often?
It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

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“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman

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Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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