Jokes about Dogs

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My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.
Turns out my dog licked my sample.

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I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.
I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.

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You know those weird cat-dog things in Undertale?...
I could never understand tem

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So I got a phone call from the post office today...
... Complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

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A man takes his dog to the vet to be examined...
The vet picks the dog up, looks it over, and then says,
"I'm going to have to put him down."
The man asks why.
"He's heavy."

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[OC] My friend recently taught his dog how to say "I love you"
I'm still trying to teach my dad.

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I named my first dog "What".
Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."

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We have to bury my dog today.
Mom: Don't be sad. All dogs go to heaven.
Me: Thanks mom. Where does updog go?
Mom: What's up dog?
Me: Not much dog. Just looking for a shovel.

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I'm not saying my neighbor's dog is fat
But she's more than a little husky.

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Today I chopped up Onion for dinner and it made me cry. I guess it's true that you grow an attachment to an animal after you give it a name
He was a good dog

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What do you do as a Dyslexic Insomniac Atheist?
You stay up all night questioning the existence of a dog.

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I got a new female dog today
Her name is Karma

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Hey, did you see that movie about a hot-dog ?
It was an oscar wiener.

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It's incredible; the way she looks up at me with her beautiful hazel eyee, how she cries for me when I leave, how soft she feels against my skin and most importantly, how she's not afraid to get frisky when we're in bed together.
I really love my dog.

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A man and his son walk into a zoo and the only animal is a dog
The man looks to his son and says "this is a ShihTzu"

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Making a dog happy is so easy
It's a walk in the park.

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My dog has just had two babies.
That's the last time I take a Pitbull for a walk in public.

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My dog just became a therapy dog!
I’m so proud! He got his dogtorate!

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