Jokes about Dogs

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed?
Quietly go sleep on the sofa.

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What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog eating from your plate?
Seek medical help.
You’ve been seeing too many 250 pound dogs recently.

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I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

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What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

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Why don’t blind people parachute very often?
It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

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“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman

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Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?

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A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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Why do dogs liск their butts?
Because nobody will do it for them.

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A good idea for a sign:
“Salespeople welcome – dog food has become really expensive”

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What do you do when you see a dog eating your dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

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What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
The flea market.

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Why did the dog lie down?
He found lying up a little hard.

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