Jokes about Dogs

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I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

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What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?
[Don’t know]
OK, in that case I think I’ll mail that letter myself, thank you.

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What do you do when you see a rabid dog?
That depends on whether the dog has seen you, too.

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“I just found out why dogs drink out of the toilet.
My mother said it's because the water is a lot colder in there.
I'm like, How does my mother know that?”
- Wendy Liebman

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Would you rather have a 250 pound dog chase you or a lion?
Um… I’d rather he chased the lion.

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Go on, ask a dog how’s life.
He’ll most likely answer, „Ruff! “

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A dog sits in a bar, sipping a bourbon.
A customer walks up to him and says, “It’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”
The dog sniffs, “Yeah, hardly a surprise at these prices.”

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Why do men chase after women they don’t intend to marry?
Well why do dogs chase after cars they don’t intend to drive?

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A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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Why do dogs liск their butts?
Because nobody will do it for them.

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What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a Sаinт Bernard’s?
A dog that bites you and then goes to fetch help.

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A good idea for a sign:
“Salespeople welcome – dog food has become really expensive”

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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What looks like a dog, lives in a dog house, eats dog food and is extremely dangerous?
A Rottweiler with a black belt in karate.

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What market shouldn't you take your dog to?
The flea market.

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Why did the dog lie down?
He found lying up a little hard.

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Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.

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“They say the dog is man's best friend.
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered?”
- Larry Reeb

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