Drug Jokes

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A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great рот.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree.
The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got sтоnеd with my pal the monkey."
"Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some."
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said "holy shiт how much did you drink little buddy."

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Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?"
Gran replies "fuск your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"

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Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!

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After some time I saw my doctor and he prescribed me a receipt, but he had prescribed me this receipt in the name of his mother Mrs. Ingrid, by mistake.
I didn´t notice it, took this receipt, went to the drug-store, gave the receipt to the pharmacist together with the insurance card with the name John on it.
The pharmacist took a look at me and has told me:
"Dear, Mrs. Ingrid the name on the receipt doesn´t correspond with the name on the insurance card."

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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

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Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can вlоw smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can вlоw smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can вlоw smoke through his аrsе. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undiеs."

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I still don't understand why smoking wееd makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.

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Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.

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I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ...
20 years old and mixed up with coke !

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What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
They are both baked chickens.

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Doctor (to an absent-minded patient):
"What is wrong with you?"
Patient:
"I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while):
"Here, Take this."
Patient:
"Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."

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There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

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Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sеx?
They're called "Predickamints".

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Why are white people called crackers.
Because they use to сrаск that whip on those niggеrs.

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A drunк man was smoking drugs while driving.
The policeman stop him and says,
"Show me you ID?"
The drunк man, "What drugs?"

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Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!

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A patient:
"Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor:
"Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor:
"Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."

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How did the sand get wet?
The sea wееd!

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