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  2. Friendship Jokes

Friendship Jokes

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Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.
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. See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
Her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
Offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!
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My friend is in a wheelchair, so I gave him a chainsaw, wrapped him in tinfoil and sent him on Robot Wars. But seriously - he’s dead now.
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Me-you know how I know your gаy?
Friend-how
Me-because you just asked how I knew you were gаy.
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Friends are like snowflakes. Рее on them and they go away.
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Me - I'm gonna кill all the jews and one clown.
Friend - Why one clown??
Me - See! No one cares about the jews!
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Me: I know a gаy guy that sounds like an owl.
Friend: Who?
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I had this one friend named philip. He got his lips removed so then we called him phil.
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Me: What did 0 say to 8?
Friend: *sigh* what.
Me: NICE BELT!
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Me: Hey, if you were on a bus full of gаy guys, would you get off ?
Friend: НЕLL YEAHH !!
Me: Haha... I knew you were gаy .
Friend:
- _-
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Have your friends collect your records and then change your number. I guess I don't need that though, now that you're just somebody that I used to вlоw.
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
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Friend:
"She's hot."
Me:
"Yeah, I'd respect the shiт out if her. Then introduce her to my family so hard."
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You're a воов. just tittin. you're my вrеаsт friend.
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Teacher: If your friend needs $5 and you give them $10, how much will you get back?
Me: Nothing
Teacher: You sir don't know math
Me: You madam don't know my friends.
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One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
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A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don't match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says,
"You know your socks don't match, right? You're wearing one red sock and one white sock." The blonde responds, "That's so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home."
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