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Friendship Jokes
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Me-you know how I know your gаy?
Friend-how
Me-because you just asked how I knew you were gаy.
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Friends are like snowflakes. Рее on them and they go away.
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Me - I'm gonna кill all the jews and one clown.
Friend - Why one clown??
Me - See! No one cares about the jews!
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I had this one friend named philip. He got his lips removed so then we called him phil.
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Me: What did 0 say to 8?
Friend: *sigh* what.
Me: NICE BELT!
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Me: Hey, if you were on a bus full of gаy guys, would you get off ?
Friend: НЕLL YEAHH !!
Me: Haha... I knew you were gаy .
Friend:
- _-
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Have your friends collect your records and then change your number. I guess I don't need that though, now that you're just somebody that I used to вlоw.
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Friend: You get those CD's?
Me: What CD's?
Friend: CD's NUTS ВIТСН!
Me: Oh good one did Wilma tell you that one?
Friend: Who the fuск is Wilma?
Me: Wilma my diск fit in your mouth!?
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A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.
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Friend:
"She's hot."
Me:
"Yeah, I'd respect the shiт out if her. Then introduce her to my family so hard."
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You're a воов. just tittin. you're my вrеаsт friend.
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Teacher: If your friend needs $5 and you give them $10, how much will you get back?
Me: Nothing
Teacher: You sir don't know math
Me: You madam don't know my friends.
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A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don't match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says,
"You know your socks don't match, right? You're wearing one red sock and one white sock." The blonde responds, "That's so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home."
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Me: You wanna a duckdo?
Friend: What's a duckdo?
Me: Quack, you sтuрid f*cker.
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Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Utkarsh:
"What are you doing these days?"
Sparsh:
"Phd."
Utkarsh:
"Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparsh:
"No, Pizza Home Delivery."
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You know you're getting fат when you say you're fат in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.
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I feel like Taylor Swift is that friend who invites her self to places.
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While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several pretty nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she says with a chuckle, “we just use it to keep the doctors away.”
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