Friendship Jokes

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Me: What's up?
Friend: Nothing
Me: So you're in a blank ripple of time that consists of absolutely nothing and has no real matter or density?
Friend: Yep

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Friend: Are you asleep?
Me: Yes, I'm sound asleep and having a nightmare about some idiот who's asking me if I'm asleep.

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Your friend: Stop fат b*tch
Me: thats what your mom called my dick

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stranded on a island. They search the island and find a lamp. They rub it and out pops a genie. He says since there's three of them each gets one wish. The brunette wishes she was back home and disappears from the island. The redhead wishes the same thing and disappears from the island. The blonde looks around and says "I wish I had my friends back"!

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Yo mama was gone for so long when she came back yo daddy thought she was yo boy friend.

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(My friend Angel cracking on this ugly аss white dude)
Ugly аss white dude- Shut up Osama before i report u to the DEA
Angel- Your moms part of my DEA
Ugly аss white dude- Oh yeah whts that?
Angel- Diск Enjoyment Association
Me and my friends- Oh!!!!!!!!!

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"A good friend bails you out of jail, a true friend is sitting next to you saying 'we sсrеwеd up... LETS DO IT AGAIN!"

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Me: You can answer anything by saying "Lets get nакеd."
Friend: No you can't.
Me: Lets get nакеd.

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Me. How do you celebrate Columbus Day?
Friend. How?
Me. You walk into someone's home and say you live there.

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The turk told his friend i got satellite and his friend said how did you get the money?
He said: i sold my tv.

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Why are the mexican and the black man friends?The border police hadn't shot one yet

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Friend: dude tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday... what should i give her?
Me: give her your dick
Friend: idiот... i want something big for her..
Me: give her my diск then

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There was a person sitting on the park bench. Some kids ran past and called him a motherf*cker. He didn't know what it was so he went he and asked his mother. His mother was startled so she said it means guests or friends. The next day some people said he was a рussy. Again he asked his mother and she said it was food. A few days later he heard a conversation and some said"having sеx."He asked his mum and she said getting ready. His girlfriend and her paremts came and he told them"hello motherf*ckers,рussy is on the the table. Mm and dad are having sеx.

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My wife ran off with my best friend and man I sure miss him.

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Me: I stopped a girl from getting rареd today.
Friend: Really!? How?
Me: Self control bro, self control.

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Firend: tell me a clean joke.
Me: ok, i took a bath with bubbles.
Friend: now tell me a dirтy joke.
Me: ok, bubbles is the girl next door.

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There are 3 girls on a island. they are blond, brunette and a black haired.
After 3 weeks of starvation god comes down and says "Go home alredy. i will give you 1 wish each. use it wisley.
The brunette says "i want to go home!" and рооf she goes home.
The black says "i want to go home!" and рооf she goes home.
The the blonde says "i want my friends back!"

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My friend:
"You have terrible aim"
Me:
"Yea, well if you dad had better aim we wouldn't have to deal with you, now would we"

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