Friendship Jokes

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Just returned from my Friends Funeral.
He died from being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

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A Chinese friend of mind left a sтriр of wood in my path and I fell over it,
I can’t decide if he did it on purpose or not, although he did say it was a prank..

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My friend max tells me "Suск my diск". I then said,
"There's nothing there so i dont know what you want me to suск".

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A good friend is like a four leaf clover... sometimes you accidentally run them over with a lawnmower.

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Boy: Which direction did the 5 gаy guys walk
Girl: idk get 5 of your friends and walk in that direction

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What to do when you want to hang up from a really annoying friend calling you:
FRIEND: So I was like, yip yip yip and yap yap yap and blah blah blah-
ME: hey dude
FRIEND: What? I didn't finish yet
ME: Don't you just hate it when you are in the middle of the sentence and you get cu- *hangs up*

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Mrs. Smith needed to have her piano tuned so she asked a friend for a recommendation. She then made an appointment with the piano tuner, Mr. Opperknockity. He arrived two days later, tuned the piano satisfactorily, and left.
Shortly after that, Mrs. Smith noticed that the piano was terribly out of tune again. She called the tuner to complain about it and to ask for a return visit to solve the problem.
However, the tuner replied, "I'm sorry ma'am, but Opperknockity only tunes once!"

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My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.”

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Vote kickass if you think this is right to do my girl friend cheated on me so i cheated back with her sister

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A man went to the Department of Motor Vehicles to obtain a driver's license. On the form they gave him, one question asked if he'd like to be an оrgаn donor. Not really thinking about it, he marked no. The next day, as his friends were looking over his license, one asked him why wasn’t he an оrgаn donor. He simply replied, "I'd like to rest in peace, not in pieces!"

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A friend came over one day, visibly shaken.
He said he had just slept with his third cousin.
I told him, “If it upsets you that much, quit counting them.”

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How school works:
In class: 2+2=4.
Homework: 2+4+2=8.
Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun’s mass.

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Four rich friends were hanging out on a restaurant when one of them recieved a phone call and had to leave for a time. Meanwhile, the other three were discussing about their son's career. The first one said: My son is an architect, and he designed many big and expensive mansions. He's so rich he gave his girlfriend a mansion aswell. The second one said: That's nothing! My son is an engineer, and he designed many supercars and sportcars. He is so rich he gave a Ferrari to his girlfriend. The third one said: Those are weak! My son designs yatchs. They are very, very expensive and many celebrities bought yatchs from him. He is so rich he gave his girlfriend a yatch.
After the argument, the fourth friend came back. The three who where in the restaurant asked him: And what about your son?
He replied: my son? He is gаy. He had his sеx changed...
Everyone was shocked when he said that.
I know... But he, or she's not that going that bad. He just won a mansion, a Ferrari and a yatch!

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Brunette is walking down Main St with her blonde friend and she spots her boyfriend in the flower shop buying roses. The brunette says, “Oh great, I see my boyfriend buying me flowers again and that means in return I will have to spend a week on my back with my legs in the air”.
Blonde says, “You poor thing, don’t you have a vase”?

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My parrot was looking quite lonely in the cage all by himself. So, I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part to get him a larger cage and introduce him to a new friend to keep him company, a pet duck.
Of course, I had to ask him first, "Polly want a quacker?"

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I was fishing with my Italian friend Mario.
“I’m bored,” I said. “How can we pass the time?”
“We could have a debate,” he replied.
“No thanks,” I said, “I’ve brought sandwiches.”

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Friend: Did you see the fight on the playground yesterday?
Me: Yeah, the guy got kicked in the ваlls. Smart аss walks up to us
Smart аss: What are you guys talking about?
Me: Something that you don't have.

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Using film titles as your actions:
White guy: I have a friend called Mary but "There Is Something About Mary" which i do not get
White girl: Well, My African boyfriend Tyrone woke up today and it was like "The Dark Knight Rises"

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