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Вицове за приятели English Freundwitze, Freundschaft witz... Chistes de amigos Русский Français Barzellette Tra Amici, Barzell... Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Анекдоти и Жарти про Друзів Piadas de Amizade, Piadas de A... Polski Svenska Nederlands Vitser om venner Vitser om venner Suomi Magyar Româna Čeština Anekdotai apie draugus, Anekdo... Latviešu Hrvatski
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Friendship Jokes

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Sorry i cant today
My sister's friend's boyfriend's uncle's aunts's grandpa's half cousin's wife's neighbour's grandmas's uncle's grandchild's husband daughter's hamster died
It was tragic
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The other day I went to my friends house
And his mom answered the door and said He just got out of the shower but u can Watch the raider game with me and I said
No thx I enjoy watching teams win
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There are three friends who are sitting in a diner having lunch. On the table is a glass with some water. One of the friends who is an optimist says the glass is half full. The second friend who is a pessimist says the glass is half empty. The third friend who is a plumbing engineer says the glass is too small.
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I don't think ugly people know they're ugly. I was at a party with a friend the other night. He says to me, 'Look at that chick over there. She's a dog.' I said, 'So are you. Go over and say hello. Just don't have any kids.'
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I don't want to lose weight. My tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.
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I hate my gf's friends, theyre haters, they only hate me. I have a son named frankie, one day he went up to me and asked "whats a hоокеr"?
Me: something you shouldnt know
So he started protesting around the kitchen
Frankie: hоокеr! Ноокеr! Ноокеr!
So i snapped
Me: QUIT IT!!!!
My gf comes out
Gf: why are you yelling at him?
Me: He wants to know what a hоокеr is.
Gf: you know my friends were right about you, your a bad influence!!
Me in my head: a bad influence?? Theyre haters!!!!
Gf: tell him what a hоокеr is!!
Me: frankie, wanna know what a hоокеr is?
Frankie: yeah!!
Me: those are your mom's friends.
#Oohkillem
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My Chinese girlfriend got so annoyed when I told her I thought all Chinese people looked the same.
Or it could have been her mum who was annoyed, or her sister or her best friend. I really couldn’t tell.
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A priest was called away for an emergency.  Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.  The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.
A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
The priest asks “What did you do?”
The woman says, “I committed adultery.”
Priest:
“How many times?”
Woman:
“Three times.”
Priest:
“Say two Hail Mary’s, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”  A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Priest:
“What did you do?”
Man:
“I committed adultery.”
Priest:
- ”How many times?”
Man:
“Three times.”
Priest:
“Say two Hail Mary’s, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Rabbi:
“What did you do?”
Woman:
“I committed adultery.”
Rabbi:
“How many times?”
Woman:
“Once.”
Rabbi:
“Go do it two more times.  We have a special this week, three for five dollars.”
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Светско првенство Super Bowl На стадион Уембли се провежда футболния мач на века - националният отбор на Англия срещу отбора на света. Парень купил билет на Кубок Мира по футболу у сотрудника. Ein Mann sitzt im eigentlich ausverkauften Stadion des Fußball-WM-Finales in Deutschland und hat neben sich einen leeren Sitz. Irritiert fragt er den Zuschauer auf der anderen Seite des leeren Platzes, ob der Platz jemanden gehöre. "Nein", lautet die Antwort. "Der Sitz ist leer? Aber das ist... Un avocat fou de football américain avait tout essayé pour obtenir des tickets pour la finale du Superbowl. Il parvint finalement, en payant une somme astronomique, à obtenir deux places côte à... Een man had tickets voor twee goede plaatsen voor de finale van de Champions League. Terwijl hij daar zit komt een andere man naar beneden en vraagt of het zitje naast hem bezet is. "Neen," zegt de... There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to... änglarna spelade match på Ullevi och det var fullsatt. En man upptäckte att det dock fanns en tom plats intill honom och vände sig till grannen: - Det ser ut att vara någon som fått förhinder. -... Finał mistrzostw świata. Pełen stadion, na całym stadionie, tylko jedno puste miejsce a obok niego siedzi jakiś samotny facet. Po meczu jeden z kibiców pyta tego faceta: - Czy to wolne miejsce... Mecz finałowy mistrzostw świata w piłce nożnej. Siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi do niego inny facet i pyta, czy ktokolwiek siedzi obok niego: - To miejsce jest wolne. -... It It Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him. “Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind. “I got the ticket for my... Pokalspiel gegen Dortmund, der Sportpark ist ausverkauft, nur ein Sitzplatz auf der Tribüne bleibt leer. Der Besitzer der Karte erlaubt einem Zuschauer, der nur eine Stehplatzkarte ergattern... Um sujeito estava sentado na primeira fila de um daqueles espetáculos majestosos e caríssimos da Broadway onde, normalmente, os ingressos são vendidos com vários meses de antecedência, quando um... Een man had tickets voor de Gouden Medaille Volleybal wedstrijd te zien op de Olympische Spelen, Op de eerste rij. Als hij gaat zitten, komt een vrouw naar beneden en vraagt of iemand zit in de... Karel heeft eindelijk zijn kaarten voor de WK finale voetbal in zijn bezit gekregen. Als de wedstrijd begonnen is, vraagt een man achter hem of de plaats naast hem vrij is. "Ja", zegt Karel, "die... Joãozinho estava em um estádio de futebol lotado quando um cara que estava passando percebeu que só havia um lugar no estádio que não estava vago e que era ao lado dele. Ele não se conteve de... A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The... Ved næstsidste runde i Superligaen, skal FCK og BIF mødes i Parken. Alle billetter er blevet revet væk. Dagen kommer hvor braget skal spilles, og ved et tilfælde kommer 2 gutter, der kender... En el partido final de la Copa del mundo un hincha se queda muy extrañado al ver un asiento vacío, así que le pregunta al tipo de al lado: - Oiga, ¿usted sabe qué pasa con ese asiento?. - Sí, es... En ung mand var virkelig henrykt, da han vandt en billet til Verdensmesterskabet i fodbold imellem Frankrig og Danmark. Hans begejstring kølnedes imidlertid noget, da han fandt ud af, at hans Plads... Stadio Olimpico. Derby Roma – Lazio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio vede in piedi davanti a sè un posto proprio al centro della tribuna, ancora libero, mentre il suo è quasi dietro un pilone.... Na finálovém zápase SuperBowlu v americkém fotbale sedí chlápek na jednom z nejlepších míst. Na narvaných tribunách se mačká spousta lidí a vedle něj je jedno místo volné. Dalšímu chlápkovi v řadě... Egy férfi kap egy ingyenjegyet a focibajnokság döntőjére. Sajnos a jegy a stadion legtávolabbi helyére szól, ahonnan semmit sem lát. A félidőben észreveszi, hogy a pályához közel van egy üres szék.... Finalen i fodbold-VM spilles for et udsolgt stadion. Men en tilskuer ser, at sædet ved siden af er tomt. Til manden på den anden side af sædet siger han: - Hvem er så skør at købe billet til... Stadio. Poco prima della partita, un tizio in piedi vede un bel posto libero, con ottima visuale, proprio al centro della tribuna. Si avvicina e chiede all’uomo seduto a fianco: “Per caso e’ libero... Két férfi beszélget a színházban. Az előttük lévő szék üres. Mondja az egyik: - Te, ez a jegy olyan drága volt! Nézd meg, valaki van olyan bunkó, hogy el se jön! Azután megszólal az üres szék... Финале на светско првенство во фудбал. Целиот стадион распродаден уште пред 5 месеци, а Трпе седи до празно место. Приоѓа некој и со чудење го прашува Трпе. - Абе, дечки кој будала не дошол да го... Marakana puna ko oko, igra se večiti derbi, samo jedna stolica prazna na zapadnoj tribini. Pita gledalac gospodina pored prazne stolice: - Da li možda znate čije je to mesto? - Moje pokojne supruge... A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the... There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for... John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John Adam Trabzon In timpul unui meci de fotbal al echipei nationale tribunele sunt arhipline un singur loc ramanand neocupat. Posesorul biletului ii ofera locul unui spectator care statea in picioare. - Stiti, pe... Vyriškis ateina į ilgai lauktas pasaulio taurės futbolo varžybas, nusiperka užkandžių, gėrimų, atsisėda į savo vietą. Už jo sėdintis žiūrovas jo paklausia: - Atsiprašau, ar šita vieta šalia Jūsų...
A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, “No.” Amazed the young man asked, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”
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A friend of mine got in trouble for punching an african-american woman. In his defense, he was told to go to Home Depot and get a black and decker.
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Me: How do I know when the mushrooms are starting to work?
Friend: You’ll know, it hits you pretty hard!
Me: I don’t feel anything.
Toaster: Give it time!
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You know, my fат friend did no pick P. E. as a elective... yet every time it's lunch time, he runs fast and is first in line!
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My wife and seven year old daughter invited their friends to have a tea party but you had to wear a sun dress and a floppy sun hat if you chose to attend. They had a blast laughing and enjoying themselves for over an hour.
I got to thinking what would be the man equivalent to such a party, so I decided to have a bacon party and the requirement was to wear camouflage.
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Bob and his wife were walking into the parking lot when a friend, Larry, saw them. Larry asked,
"Bob, why are you walking so far? Did your car break down?" Bob replied, "No, my wife read how you could burn off more calories by parking further away."
Larry asked,
"How far away did you park?" Bob responded, "About 10 calories."
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*texting a friend*
Me: Hey what's up?
Friend: NOthiNg MucH.
Me: Um, ok. Did you hear about the new kid?
Friend: YeAH hE's iN mY sEcoND HoUr.
Me: dude, I think your cap locks is having a seizure.
Friend: nO iT'S nOt.
Me: Check again, and this time actually look at your phone, not your diск. It's never gonna grow long enough.
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As I was going to visit a friend, I saw my neighbor’s little child at the street corner holding two dollars and crying. I asked him, ”Junior, what is the matter?”
He replied, ”My mummy gave me one dollar to buy sugar and one dollar to buy soy milk, and now I can't remember which dollar is for sugar and which dollar is for the milk.”
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So this morning I called the Crazy Custom Clay Ceramics Store to talk to my best friend. …
“I haven’t seen Dave this morning, let me check,” said the receptionist. …
She came back to the phone and said, “I checked with the boss. He said that yesterday he and Dave argued over the artwork on a customer’s clay sculptures and Dave no longer works for us …
He was fired last night.”
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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. “No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
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