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A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards.
‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man.
‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players.
‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’

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Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

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Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage?
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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Priest to woman: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband.’
Woman: ‘Who’s going to look?’

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A вrа and a set of jumper leads walked into a bar and asked for two tui's the bar man said"sorry i cant serve you."
The вrа and jumper leads answered back"why not" the bar man said"your off your тiтs and you lock like your about to start something".

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What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.

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What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

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There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building.
The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!"
The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet.
The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in.
Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says:
" I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet.
Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in."
The first man says" Ok, sure."
The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below.
He is dead.
Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a ваsтаrd when you're рissеd, Superman."

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A man orders a pint of вееr, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman.
‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman.
‘You’ve only got a pint of that ruввish, I’ve got three barrels full.’

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A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.
He is obviously drunк.
So the bartender says to another man in the bar:
"Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunк out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.
They drive along and the drunк points out his house to the man.
He stops the car and the drunк stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunк's wife greets them at the door:
"Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

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Diск goes into a rough bar and orders a drink.
A man sidles up to him and says, ‘I can see you’re a stranger in here.’
‘Why, yes,’ says Diск.
‘How could you tell?’
The man replies, ‘You’ve taken your hand off your glass.’

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A man is staggering home drunк late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.

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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

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A man walks into a chemist’s and says,
"Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says,
"Do you want it scented?"
And the man says,
"No, I’ll take it with me now."

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Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!

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Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't huмр women's legs at cocktail parties.

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He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
The worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.

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A couple are arguing over money.
‘Do you know,’ says the man.
‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’
‘Yes,’ says his wife.
‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’

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