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Yo mama so dамn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly аss вiтсh".
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Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
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Since the pandemic started, my husband just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let him inside.
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Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
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What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.
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What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
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My daughter asked me how stars die. ""Usually an overdose,"" I told her.
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I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
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I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
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I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. They flu over his head.
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I heard Sony is coming out with a new video game console to help us get through the pandemic. It's called the Plaguestation 5.
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My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
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Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
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Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
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Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
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I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
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I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
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I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
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