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The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in.
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That's the punch line.
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Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
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Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
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Why are friends a lot like snow? If you рее on them, they disappear.
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What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
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What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its вuтт.
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Why was the lереr hockey game canceled? It was because of a face-off in the corner.
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You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
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What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
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""I work with animals,"" the guy says to his Tinder date. ""That's so sweet,"" she replies. ""I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"" ""I'm a butcher,"" he says.
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What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
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Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
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What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
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When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
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It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
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