Obama jokes

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After a week in the balkans: anthony hopkins, ben stiller, harry potter, leo di caprio, dr house, barak obama, bruce willis

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Wall of Clocks
A man died and went to heaven.
He saw ST.Paul in front of him.Behind him was a wall of clocks.
The man asked St. Paul "What are these clocks for?"
St.Paul answered "These are lie clocks, everytime you lie the clock moves once."
There's Mother Teresa's.She hadn't lied once so her clock is still.
There's Abraham Lincoln's clock. He had lied just once and the clock has just moved once.
The man asked "Where is Obama's clock?"
St.Paul said "Oh! It's in Jesus's office he uses it as a ceiling fаn."

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Air Force One
Barack Obama and Joe Biden are on a plane.
Suddenly Joe Biden says I can throw 100 dollars out of this plane and make 100 people happy.
Barack says I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy.
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."

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Three Boys
Three boys were out hiking one winter day, and heard cries for help coming from the lake.Rushing to see what was the matter, they found Barack Obama who had fallen through some thin ice on a lake and was about to drown.Quickly the boys formed a human chain and pulled him to safety.
"I'd like to reward you boys with something special for saving me", said Obama. "Just name it, and it's yours!"
"I want a ride on Air Force One", said the first boy.
"You've got it!", said Obama.
"I want a medal that I can show the other kids at school", said the second boy.
"No problem!", said Obama.
The third boy thought for a moment, and said "I want a wheelchair".
"But why would you want that?", asked Obama.
"'Cause when I get home and tell my dad that I saved YOU he's gonna break my effin' legs!".

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Love at the White House
Mr.and Mrs. President come home to the White House after a Democratic dinner party and Mr. President is very tense.
Mrs.President feels sorry for him and pours him a glass of brandy.
She takes him by the hand and leads him to the fireplace where a fire is crackling beautifully.
Mrs.President sits in a chair with Mr. Presidents brandy without giving it to him as she unclasps her dress exposing her full supple вrеаsтs.
She puts her finger in the brandy, swirls it around then rubs the brandy on her niррlе.
Mrs.President begins to moan softly as her niррlеs become еrест.
Mr.President likes what he sees and kneels in front of Mrs.President and gently starts to liск the brandy off her niррlеs.
Mrs.President moans louder as she lays her head back in pleasure.
Mr.President moves his hand down to the bottom of her dress and lifts it up to surprisingly find Mrs.President wearing no underwear and her well shaven lips are moist from excitement.
Mr.President uses his finger to open her luscious flower and plays with her еrест hood while still tonguing her niррlеs.
Mrs.President is squirming with desire.No longer can Mr. President contain himself so he takes out his throbbing member and slowly slides it into Mrs.President's wetness.
Mr.President starts to тhrusт harder and harder watching Mrs.President's вrеаsтs bounce with every force.
Mr.President suскs on Mrs. President's niррlеs as he pushes himself inside her deeper and deeper causing Mrs. President to intensely сliмаx.
Mr.President becomes ultimately excited by his wife's climatic moans and peaks with her.
As they both reach their zenith together, they hold each other closely.
Mr.President stayed inside Mrs. President laying his head on her вrеаsтs while he softened.
They both kissed each other and exchanged I love you.
Mrs.President asks, How do you feel Mr.President sir?
Mr.President replies,? I feel so good I think I may actually side with the Republicans?

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World Economic Summit
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French President Francois Hollande are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train.
As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Francois"
Upon hearing this President Francois Hollande throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vоdка "In Russia premier vоdка spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto, and throws him out the window.

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First President Obama was re-elected, then Alabama loses, this has to the worst week for southern white folks since Gettysburg.

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I just made Romney noodles Obama self.

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Did you hear, Tony Romo's cronic choking is covered by obama care.

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In Colorado, marijuana got more votes than Obama.

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93% of African Americans voted for Obama.Clearly people aren't voting for the right reasons.

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If you think Allen West won but President Obama didn't, ask someone to hold your wallet for you.

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If Barack Obama has a mandate to do anything, it's to raise Mitt Romney's taxes

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If Obama controlled Halloween, would he take all the candy from the kids trick-or-treated and give it to the kids who didn't trick-or-treat?

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28% of Americans voted for President Obama just because they enjoy watching white people embarrass themselves after he wins.

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Mitt Romney puts women in Binders. Obama puts Women on the "Supreme Court"

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The pentagon has changed strategies in the war against ISIS.
Instead of sending cruise missles they are sending Obamas Economic Advisors.

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What does OBAMA stand for?
One Big Аss Mistake America.

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