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Вицове за полицаи English Witze über Polizisten Chistes sobre policías Шутки про полицейских Blagues sur les policiers Barzellette sui poliziotti Ανέκδοτα για αστυνομικούς Вицеви за полицајци Polisler hakkında fıkralar Жарти про поліцейських Piadas sobre policiais Żarty o policjantach Skämt om poliser Grappen over politieagenten Vittigheder om politibetjente Vitser om politifolk Vitsit poliiseista Viccek rendőrökről Glume despre polițiști Vtipy o policistech Anekdotai apie policininkus Joki par policistiem Vicevi o policajcima
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Jokes about Police Officers

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A Blonde is walking down the street with her left тiт hanging out.
A police car pulls up and says,”Miss, put your left вrеаsт back in your top or I will arrest you”
The Blonde looks down and says,”Oh fuск….. I’ve left the baby on the bus again”.
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A policeman finds someone crawling on all fours in the middle of the street. The cop approaches him and asks him, "What on earth do you think you’re doing?" The man on the floor replies, “I’ve lost it." The policeman asks him curiously, "lost what?" The man on the floor answers, "well (hiccup) my balance sir."
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News: Australian man tries to rob petrol station with a boomerang.
Police believe he’ll return to the scene of the сriме.
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A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The warden said, “Now these are
Real tough guys in here.” Do you can handle it?” “No problem,” the applicant replied,
“If they don’t behave, out they go!”
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An old man is sitting by himself at a park bench crying, when along walks a police officer. With genuine concern the police officer approaches the old man, “is everything OK sir?”
The old man looks up, “no it’s not, every morning I wake up to a beautiful 22 year old blonde, we make passionate love and then she cooks me breakfast with bacon, sausages, eggs and everything else I love. After that she gives me a bath, taking care of all the extra details.
She then makes me lunch which is followed by some more passionate love. In the evening she cooks me dinner and before we go to bed we have some crazy wild sеx.”
The police officer scratching his head, “well what on earth could be wrong with that? what are you so upset about?”
The old man looks up with clear frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live”.
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I got arrested in Switzerland for мurdеr yesterday. I said to the police, “I thought assisted suicide wasn’t against the law here?”
The officer replied, “Under Swiss law assisted suicides require medical supervision, you strangled your wife as soon as the plane touched down.”
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“Didn’t you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?” asked the policeman.
“No," began the wife, "I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt.”
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You work security and you ain't got no gun -- you're just a paid witness.
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A policeman spots this Bloke walking up Royal Ave. pulling a 12 foot long rope and asks, “What do you think you are doing pulling this 12 long rope up Royal Ave.?”
The Bloke replied:
“have you ever tried pushing it?”
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You can't compare the gаy struggle to the black struggle. You can't do that. First of all, y'all got a closet that you can come in and out of whenever you feel like it. Black people, we ain't got no closet that we can come in and out of. You can't get pulled over by the police at midnight like, 'Oh, I'd better stay in the closet; I don't want to get my аss beat.'
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If u hate Donald Trump vote kick ass
I mean what freak stops a civilisation Look at his(sarcastically) "well thought plan to stop Muslims from entering America, " Police will ask them if they r Muslims"
Ever heard of lying genius!
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You ever notice, in every single cop movie, like halfway through the movie, there's always this scene where the main dude, the cop, will get shot, and then he'll fall, like, 10 stories out of a building, and then he'll be, like, 'Ugh, I'm gettin' too old for this'? And I'm like, was there a time where that was OK? I think that's bad at any point in your life. Has anybody ever been shot and been like, 'Oh my god! I'm exactly the right age for this.'
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Some people don’t know the meaning of hygiene. There I was with my friend, in the cemetery, digging up a corpse to fuск it up its аrsе. After we managed to dig it up and have our way with it, my friend says:
“What if the police come, take sреrм samples and find out it was us? Let’s destroy the evidence.”
So he sticks a straw up the аrsе and starts suскing. At some point he looks up to me and says:
“I’ve had enough! You have a go.”
Disgusted, I said: Fuск off, you сunт! Not with the same straw!
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A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
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What happened when the barman died?
The police held an inn-quest
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Down here on the school track, a man has been shot with a starting pistol… …
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The police are pretty sure it’s race related.
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Me: The police shot a thief in the finger and he died.
Friend: How did he die if he was shot in the finger?
Me: His finger was in his nose!
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A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman said,
"This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said,
"I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."
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