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Вицове за секс, 18+ English Sexwitze, Sex-Witze, 18 +, Org... Chistes y anécdotas Sexo, 18 +... Русский Blagues de Sex - +18 ans Barzellette su Sesso Σεξουαλικα ανεκδοτα Секс Türkçe Анекдоти про Секс 18+, Анекдот... Português Dowcipy i kawały: Seks 18+ Svenska Seks moppen 18+, Moppen over l... Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szex viccek Româna Anekdoty a vtipy o sexu a milo... Lietuvių Anekdotes par seksu Seks, Seksi vicevi, Sex
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Where Babies Come From Wie man Kinder macht 5 годишната Гина: Le jeune garçon revenant de l'école Une petite fille rentre de l'école et dit à sa mère : A mãe está na cozinha fazendo o jantar para sua família - Mamma - Anyu - Maman En dag kommer lille 5-årige Emma glædestrålende hen til sin mor og siger: "Jeg ved da bare godt
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sеx.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his реnis in the mommy’s vаginа. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s реnis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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Заштитен секс Was versteht eine Blondine Vad kallar blondiner säker sex? Att låsa bildörren Cosa fa una bionda per fare sesso sicuro? Chiude la sicura della macchina. Hvordan dyrker blondiner sikker sex? De låser bildøren! Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door. Hvad er en blondines opfattelse af sikker sex? Hvad er en blondines opfattelse af sikker sex? At låse bildøren.
Has does a blonde have safe sеx?
She locks the car door.
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There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a реnis and 99 others could be filled with money.
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Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sеx is to lock the car doors.
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A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sеx on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having sеx!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again. Again, the husband yells back and corrects him. This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower. His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
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Little Johnny... The Way You Think школа. идет урок математики. учительница: - дети Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεστε... Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεσαι... В класната стая учителката пита Иванчо: Иванчо в час по математика. Τρόπος σκέψης Little Johnny was doing his work in math class Στην τάξη του Τοτού έχουν μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα: A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. Na sala de aula a Professora ( P ) pergunta para o Joãozinho ( J ): Lehrerin zu Fritzchen im Matheunterricht "Une prof dit à son élève : « Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un banc. Je prends un fusil I skolan frågar fröken: - Det sitter fem kråkor på en gren. Du skjuter en Die Lehrerin im Unterricht: „Wenn auf einem Ast drei Vögel sitzen und ich einen abschieße Trois femmes sont sur la plage Jantje zit op school Öğretmeni Ali'ye sormuş;''Ağacta 5 kuş var birini vurdum A teacher asks her class Kalles lärare frågade en Kalle. - Om det finns 5 fåglar på en telefonledning och en jägare skjuter ner 2. Hur många är det kvar? - Inga. - Njae... Rätt svar är 2 Fröken frågar Olle: - Det sitter tre fåglar på en gren Eine Lehrerin beschließt die Intelligenz ihrer Schüler zu testen. Sie fragt Fritzchen: Wenn auf einem Zaun zwei Vögel sitzen Het is tijd voor de rekenles en de juffrouw vraagt aan Jantje: "Er zitten 6 vogels op een hek Урок у школі. Вовочка дивиться у вікно і бачить La maestra in aula: “Vi pongo un problema: sul ramo di un albero ci sono otto uccellini; arriva un cacciatore Der Lehrer stellt seinen Schülern eine Frage: Es sitzen 10 Spatzen auf dem Zaun La maitresse interroge toto : - Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un fil Kadın matematik öğretmeni dersinde öğrencilere sorar: - Bir ağacın dalında 7 tane kuş var. Bir taş attım Matematika óra. A tanárnő kérdezi a gyerekeket: - Gyerekek! Három veréb ül a villanydróton. Ha az egyiket lelőjük Matekórán a tanárnő feltesz az osztálynak egy kérdést: - Gyerekek Pani w szkole pyta dzieci: - Dzieci Læreren: Der sidder 4 fugle på en gren i et træ. Så kommer der en jæger og skyder den ene. Hvor mange er der så tilbage? Peter: Ingen La ora de matematica invatatoarea ii intreaba pe copii: - Trei vrabii stau pe o craca. Pe una o impuscam. Cite ramin atunci pe craca? - Nici una Toto à l’école écoute avec attention le problème posé par la maîtresse : - « Trois oiseaux sont posés sur un fil La maestra: Bambini oggi faremo un esercizio di matematica. - Su di un albero ci sono 10 uccelli; arriva il cacciatore e ne ammazza uno. Quanti uccelli rimangono? Pierino: - Nessuno signora... Matek óran a tanítónéni a következő feladatot adja a gyerekeknek : - Van három bagoly az ágon Hodina. Učitelka: „Tak Ο Τοτός ήταν στο σχολείο και η δασκάλα έκανε μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα την Ελενίτσα: - « Ελενίτσα αν κάθονται τρία πουλάκια στο δέντρο και ρίξεις μια πέτρα στο ένα πόσα θα σου μείνουν? Δυο... Im Mathe-Unterricht fragt die Lehrerin den kleinen Otto: "Otto Skolotāja jautā Pēterītim: - Uz koka sēž 5 vārnas
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him:
"If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None."
The teacher asks, "Why?"
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is suскing her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one suскing her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
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One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an НIV blood test.
While there, his blood got drawn and he then left.
Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the НIV test.
Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gаy guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely НIV positive."
The gаy guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?"
The doctor says to the gаy dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of сhiрs, and 20 gallons of ice cream."
The gаy then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my НIV, doctor?"
The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your НIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your аsshоlе is really for."
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Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sеx.
"Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom.
"Making a cake" his mom replies.
Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks.
"Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried.
"Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.
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- Vet du vad snoppen sa till kondomen? - Nej. - Täck mig Hvad sagde pikken til kondomen? “Cover Me
Q: What did the реnis say to the соndом?
A: "Cover me. I'm going in."
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Η κορνίζα !!! Una pareja que ha terminado de hacer el amor. El joven se da la vuelta Двойка Nachdem der junge Mann seine Angebetete nachts ordentlich rangenommen hat Na een lange nacht de liefde te hebben bedreven Tрпе лежи во кревет после секс After having a great time with his girlfriend Hosszú Mies iskee ravintolasta naisen ja päätyy hänen luokseen. Aamulla sitten seksintäyteisen yöœn jälkeen mies huomaa miehen valokuvan naisen yöœpöydällä. Hän huolestuu ja kysyy: - Onko hän miehesi? -... Etter en natt med mye sеx ser mannen ett bilde av en ainna mann på nattbordet. Han blir urolig og spør: - Er det din mann?! - Nei
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear:
"That’s me before the surgery."
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Yo mama so fат, when your dad tried eating your mom's рussy his head stuck in.
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A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?"
"And so, here we are!"
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An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my раnтiеs.”
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Two men were talking about their wives.
First:
"I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second:
"I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my diск and says:
'fill it up super!'"
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Johny met his classmate from high school after ten years who was still very beautiful.
As he met her, he told her only:
"Hi Ann, I am pleased to see you again after so many years."
Ann took a look at his pants and said:
"I know that you´re pleased."
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Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
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I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
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