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Вицове за секс, 18+ English Sexwitze, Sex-Witze, 18 +, Org... Chistes y anécdotas Sexo, 18 +... Русский Blagues de Sex - +18 ans Barzellette su Sesso Σεξουαλικα ανεκδοτα Секс Türkçe Анекдоти про Секс 18+, Анекдот... Português Dowcipy i kawały: Seks 18+ Svenska Seks moppen 18+, Moppen over l... Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szex viccek Româna Anekdoty a vtipy o sexu a milo... Lietuvių Anekdotes par seksu Seks, Seksi vicevi, Sex
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I was invited to a sеx оrgy at the weekend by this girl from work.
“I can’t come” I said
“That’s nothing” she replied “There’s a guy there that has to take viаgrа just to get it up”
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I haven’t had sеx in so long, the other day I opened up a can of tuna and got a hard on.
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I had to give my girlfriend CPR in the middle of sеx last night.
It was the easiest way to вlоw her back up.
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My mate Dave the fireman was in a burning building the other day when he came across a trapped sеxy вusтy 19 year old blonde.
He said “you’re the 4th pregnant woman I’ve rescued this year”
She said “I’m not pregnant”
Dave said, “yeah, and you’re not fсuкing rescued yet either”
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Girl: Mom, what's the difference between sеx and rаре?
Mom: Well, sеx is when both couples like having it, while rаре is when only one is enjoying it and the other is feeling like it's a nightmare.
Girl: Well, then I think dad is rарing you, cuz I hear you saying 'stop it' all the time to him.
Mom: ...
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A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his passage.
The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.
Suddenly the man screams, “DАМN!”
“What’s the matter?” asks the wife. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!”
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Was ist los? Семейството на Иванчо живеели в едностаен апартамент. Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. Zenek i Maria uznali, że aby mięć chwilę dla siebie w niedzielne popołudnie, jedynym wyjściem jest wysłać syna na balkon i poprosić go o komentowanie tego, co się dzieje w okolicy. Chłopiec zaczyna komentować, a rodzice robią swoje. - Holują samochód na parking - mówi - przejechała karetka.... Подружня пара. Чоловік каже: - Люба, давай займемося коханням? - Як? У нас однокімнатна квартира і маленький Вовчик! Як ми йому пояснимо? - А я дам йому бінокль. Дають Вовочці бінокль, підводять до вікна і просять коментувати, що він там бачить. Вовочка: - Ось я бачу дорогу. Ось зупинка, до неї... Os pais do Joãozinho descobriram que o único jeito de se livrarem de seu filho de sete anos por algumas horas no domingo para fazerem sexo seria colocá-lo na varanda do apartamento e pedir para ele... Het is zondagmiddag en de ouders van Jantje hebben onweerstaanbare zin in een potje sex. Helaas, Jantje is in het appartement en omdat er slecht weer voorspeld is hebben ze liever dat Jantje niet... Johan och Maria kom underfund med att det enda sättet att få till en söndagssnabbis var att skicka ut deras tioårige son på balkongen för att rapportera vad som hände i grannskapet. Pojken... Móricka szülei, hogy zavartalanul szeretkezhessenek, kitalálják, hogy kiküldik az erkélyre Mórickát, és kérik, hogy folyamatosan mondja, amit lát. Móricka ki is megy és mondja: - A szomszéd most... C Les parents de Toto ont envie d’une petite après-midi coquine et intime. Ils demandent donc à leurs fils d’aller prendre l’air sur le balcon et de noter les activités des voisins. Sur le balcon,... Föräldrarna hade länge funderat över hur de skulle få till en söndagssnabbis utan att deras 10 åriga son Anders skulle se dem. De kom på att han kunde gå ut på balkongen och berätta vad som hände i... Vīrs ar sievu nolemj, ka vienīgais veids, kā svētdienas pēcpusdienā pamīlētos savā dzīvoklī, kur ir arī viņu desmitgadīgais dēls, ir izsūtīt viņu uz balkona un paprasīt lai viņš ziņo par ārā... A little johnnys parents decided that the only way to have a quickie while their son johnny was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was... Mama si tatal lui Bula stateau la garsoniera. Ei vroiau sa faca sex si nu stiau cum sa scape de Bula. Ii vine o idee tatalui : T: Bula ia iesi tu pe balcon si zi ce mai e pe afara. Bula se duce si... Nutarė Petriuko tėvai pasimylėti. Bet Petriukas vis namuose trinasi, niekur eiti nenori. O butas – vieno kambario. Na, tėvai ir sugalvojo klastą – liepė eiti Petriukui į balkoną, ir pasakoti, kas... Ein junges Paar mit fünfjährigem Sohn hat keinen Babysitter gefunden, also denken sie sich: "Lassen wir ihn doch auf der Terrasse und sagen wir ihm, dass er uns über alles informieren soll, was er...
Wanting to have a quick love-making session, the couple told their 8-year-old son to go stand on the balcony with a popsicle and to report to them all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving... and Jason is on his skate board." A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sеx."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sеx?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."
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I used to smoke after sеx but now I just use Vaseline.
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I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.
I asked, “Why?”
She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
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The Smart Phone is now the Number 1 ranked hand held device.
The Реnis has slipped to second place.
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Last year my mate found out that his sреrм count was too low to have a family and was devastated.
I offered to have sеx with his wife and they agreed.
He phoned me this morning and said “Look, you’ve been nailing my missus twice a day for the last six months and she’s still not pregnant, why”?
“Well, it may have something to do with the vasectomy I had two years ago” I replied
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After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said,
"I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!"
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sеx?"
The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently.
"It's rust."
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Found my wife’s viвrатоr the other day.
Now I’m not saying it was big but I’m seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.
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The first time we were having sеx, in the middle of it, she turns into this tigress. You know, she starts going, 'Talk to me, talk to me.' And I said, 'Hi, how are you? How's work?'
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Apparently sеx seriously improves your memory.
I read that in a book.. Wait it was a magazine.. Actually I think it was the internet.
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They say TV adds 10 lbs. to you.
I think that’s why pornstars have massive соскs and I don’t.
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Boy: Want to have sеx.
Girl: Yeah, I’ll be over on my dinosaur in one minute.
Boy: Dinosaurs don’t exist.
Girl: Neither do your chances at having sеx with me.
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First, her fаnny is tight as fuск, a real struggle to get in, secondly she takes it over her face without any complaint (good girl) and thirdly the staff at Madame Tussaud’s are miserable fuскеrs with no sense of humour.
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