Sexist Jokes

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My wife said that we would be leaving for dinner really soon and that she`ll be dressed in 10 minutes.
Perfect I thought, just enough time for me to watch the full game of thrones box set.

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That woman who overtook me at eighty miles an hour this morning was either doing the biggest yawn ever, or her accelerator had jammed

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News: A schoolgirl who jumped out of a car just before it rolled off a cliff said she is “so lucky” to be alive.
So that’s the best women can do, getting out of the slowly moving car before it’s destroyed by a 250m fall…
Turn the steering wheel love.

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Feminists.
Because every вiтсh with dad issues isn’t hot enough to be a stripper.

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I was trying to find a way to кill my wife without raising suspicion.
So I bought her a car.

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Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.

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Why do men become more intellectual during sеx?
Because they’re plugged into a fuскing know-it-all.

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When the toilet seat is up, a man can рiss with deadly accuracy.
When someone leaves the seat down, a man рissеs like an epileptic at a disco.

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Just remember, behind every angry woman there is a man with absolutely no fuскing clue about what the hеll he’s done wrong.

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Speeding along at 60mph, there was a buzz from my mobile on the dashboard.
“Your phone just went,” said my wife.
“It’s only a text,” I replied. “I’ll check it when we get there.”
She picked up the phone, and looked at it suspiciously. Then she tapped the screen, scrolled down and started reading. “I thought so,” she sneered. “It’s yet another сrар joke from Dave about women being bad drivers.”
“Watch the f**king road,” I snapped. “You just went straight through a red light.”

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I saw a bloke wearing a T-shirt that said, “This is what a feminist looks like”.
Right enough, he had no тiтs and a bit of a moustache.

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Learner drivers need to put up a ‘L’ sign.
So why don’t women put a ‘W’ sign up to warn us?

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I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sеx object…
Hi.

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Feminists are funny until they start voicing their opinions.
Then they’re hilarious.

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I went to see a therapist.
I said, “I’m not sure if I’m a man or a woman.”
He said, “Right. Just pull your pants down for me.”
I said, “No.”
He said, “You’re a woman.”

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Its two in the morning and the phone rings. The husband rolls over in his bed toward the phone and picks it up.
“hello---How would I know, Im not the weather man.” He hangs up.
His wife rolls over and asks him who it was.
“Just some guy asking if the coast is clear.”

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I write my mistresses’ phone numbers on the rear view mirror.
I know my wife would never think to look there.

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Have you ever noticed that a girl’s grades correspond directly to her вrа size?

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