Stupid / Dumb Jokes

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So a dude turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, "Hey, you wanna hear a redneck story?"
The guy says, "Buddy, I'm six feet, 210 pounds, an' ma name's Billy Joe. You see the guy on the other side of you? That there's Bubba. He's 225 pounds of solid muscle and he's a redneck. And the boy next to him? Mike's a trucker who weighs 295 and he's a redneck, too. Now, do you still want to tell your redneck story?"
The fella says, "Naw, you're right... I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"

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Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.

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A redhead, a blonde and a brunette were stuck on an island and had to get back home from the island.
The redhead swims half way and drowns.
The brunette swims half way and drowns too.
The blonde swims halfway gets tired and swims back.

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Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed:
- to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
- to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
- to be a Nobel Prize winner.
- to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
- he was fired "on accident."

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Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.

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Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could liск the bowl?
A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."

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You might be a redneck if you're invited to a come as you party and you show up nакеd.

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Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!

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A blonde went to the eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry we don"t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

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Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.

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One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.

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NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant.
DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended.
You're still reading this, aren't you, аsshоlе?

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Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture.
Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"!
Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sеx with the sheep.
He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"?
Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".

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Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

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Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiот! Those are for my side of the roof!!"

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Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home.
Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn."
Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?"
The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."

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Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

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