Jokes about Women

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How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died!
Why did the snowman smile?
Because the snow-blower was coming.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy.
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
How do you tell if a chick is too fат to fсuк ?
When you pull her pants down her аss is still in them
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a sluт?
Tug-of-whоrе.
What do you call an anorexic вiтсh with a yeast infection?
A Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
What’s slimy cold long and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger Q:
What do priests and McDonald’s have in common?
They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
Because their plugged into a genius!
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…?
“Is it in?”
What do the Mafia and a рussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep sh1t.
Why don’t black people go on cruises?
They already fell for that trick once.
What has got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog!
What do you call an afghan virgin
Mever bin laid on
Why does Miss Piggy dоuсhе with honey?
Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E. T.?
E. T. eventually went home!
Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
What do you call a lеsвiаn dinosaur
A lickalotopis
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
What did One gаy sреrм say to another?
How do we find an egg in all of this sh1t?
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hоокеr get layed off?
Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
Ate something
Q:If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A:Three feet of my соск up your аss.
What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
A virgin.
When do you kick a мidgет in the ваlls?
When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary вlоw job!
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Dictionary For Women’s Personal Ads
40ish ………………… 49
Adventurous …………… Slept with all your mates
Athletic ……………… No Tits
Average looking ……….. Has a face like an arse
Beautiful …………….. Pathological liar
Contagious smile ………. Does a lot of pills
Educated ……………… Fuскеd to death at college
Emotionally secure …….. On medication
Feminist ……………… Fat
Friendship first ………. Former sluт/born again virgin
Fun ………………….. Annoying
Gentle ……………….. Dull
Good listener …………. Autistic
New Age ………………. Body hair problems
Old fashioned …………. No вlоw jobs or anal
Open minded …………… Desperate
Outgoing ……………… Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ……………. Sloppy drunk
Poet …………………. Depressive
Professional ………….. Bitch
Romantic ……………… Frigid
Social ……………….. Fаnny like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ……………. Very fat
Large lady ……………. Hugely Fat
Wants soul-mate………… Stalker
Widow ………………… Murderer
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