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Jokes about Women

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Women’s Logic: My girlfriend will give me a вlоw job and swallow because she thinks it’s “sеxy and кinкy,” but when I use her tooth brush or towel I’m a “disgusting, unhygienic ваsтаrd.”
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Female drivers.
The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.
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Here’s a list of things women can’t do.
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What do men have in their underpants that women don’t want on their face ?
Wrinkles.
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There are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish.
Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it and says, “O. K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I. Q.
The mermaid says, “Done!”
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I. Q.”
And the mermaid replies, “Done!”
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintuple my I. Q.”
The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try to change other people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.
The guy replies, “No, I want to increase my I. Q. times five and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”
“Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t know what your asking…it’ll change your entire view of the universe…won’t you ask for something else.. A million dollars, anything?”
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I. Q. increased by five times it’s usual power.
So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done!”
And with that, he became a woman!
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One day a city bus driver picked up a woman that was carrying a paper bag full of oranges.
There were no empty seats so she had to hang on by a strap in the aisle. After traveling a few blocks the driver had to make a sudden stop.
This caused the woman to almost fall down and several oranges fell to the floor. As she веnт over to pick them up she expelled gas making some loud noises. The bus driver remarked "that's right lady, if you can't catch them, shoot them"
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I like my women like WTC7, going down for no reason, that’s a conspiracy joke that 9/11 people won’t get, it’s an inside joke.
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Q. Why do blond women never have more than 10 ex-boyfriends?
A. Because they run out of fingers.
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Let me tell you white girls something that sisters don't want you to know. You know what would кill a black woman? To get beat up by a white girl.
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Nixon, Carter, Kennedy are on a boat. The boat's going down. Carter says, 'Women and children first.' Nixon says, 'Sсrеw them.' Kennedy says, 'Do you think we have time?'
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My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night while he was manning the drive-thru, a customer told him that the intercom wasn't working properly.
My friend's son went about filling the order while a female co-worker fiddled with the intercom.
After making some fixes, she asked,
"Is that okay now?"
"Well, no," the customer replied. "Now you sound like a girl."
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Two women who had just met at a health spa were talking about their lifestyles and how they hope to stay healthy. One asked the other to detail her daily routine.
“I eat moderately,” she replied, “I exercise moderately, I drink moderately, and I live moderately.”
“Is there anything else you do?” her new friend asked.
“Yes,” she said, “I lie extensively.”
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Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
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Women still make 76 cents to every dollar a guy makes, and then we get told, 'Well, you chicks aren't good in math.' Well, you know why we're not good in math, Mr. Boss Man, Mr. Associate? It's because we know that things aren't equal.
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Pregnant woman calls her mum…………
“Hi Mum, I don’t wanna cause a panic but I’m out shopping and I think my waters have just broken”
- ” Oh my God!………Ok, just relax, now, where are you ringing from?”
“My fаnny to my ankles”
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I didn't know what they were. I turned it on, some woman's reading off sins -- I thought they were things to do in town.
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I'm рissеd off. I read that we have a $3.6 trillion debt and our budget is $240 billion -- and this woman is bothering me about my student loans.
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We've got to have every g**dамn nationality at that news desk. I am so sick of that sh*t I could scream. Give me four white guys, four black guys, all women -- I don't care -- but do I have to have a g**dамn UN meeting every time I turn on the set?
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