After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said:
"Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I'm sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you're not pulling your weight."
She replied calmly:
"Then why don't you go out and find a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I'll make sure once again that you'll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed."
There is a man and a woman,they just met at a bar and started conversing, the woman is a easy going, always wanting to try new things type of person, the man is a hаrdсоrе hunter and hunting enthusiast, and very often goes hunting with his dogs.
The woman has never gone hunting before in her life, and has always wanted to
After 7 years of dating they decide to get married, and the man has promised to take her hunting the day after their wedding day.
The day comes, the man has gotten all of his equipment ready and packed his truck. BUT the weather is really bad; its cold, its raining and etc. ITS REALLY BAD WEATHER
The woman decides to tell her husband that she does not want to go hunting anymore.
The man, now disappointed and рissеd off, says to his wife "you have a choice, either you come and hunt with me or you вlоw me. Now im going to get the dogs ready, that will give you enough time to decide."
While her husband is away, she thinks about it.
When he comes back she tells him "well im not going hunting so i guess im going to have to вlоw you"
She starts blowing him and then stops for a moment, then says in a disgusted tone "aghh it tastes like s*it"
The man looks straight in the eye and says "well the dogs didnt want to go hunting either"
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
“Free to good home. You want it, you take it”. For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
“Fridge for sale $50”. The next day someone stole it.
Caution!
. . . . . . . . . . . These people Vote!
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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the North?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff”
. . . . . . . . . . She ALSO votes!
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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific”
. . . . . . . . He ALSO votes!
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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving”
. . . . . . . . . . . She ALSO votes!
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My sister has a lifesaving тооl in her car. It’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk
. . My sister ALSO votes!
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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?” I explained that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
. . . . . . . My friend ALSO votes!
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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”
. . . . . . . . SHE ALSO votes!
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While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 .
. . . . . . . Yep, he votes too.
The elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a lengthy divorce trial. The judge addressed the woman who was seventy-five years old, "So, Mrs. C., after 50 years of marriage, love tears, babies, grandbabies, birthdays, sicknesses and joys, why now do you want to divorce Mr. C.?" Mrs. C. looked at her husband and then at the judge and replied to the judge, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"