After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there to pack up her things.
While he was gone the first day, she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started, slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned and mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.
Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home... Including the curtain rods.
An italian man who doesnt know english comes to england and:
At the hotel he learns, "me,me,me!"
At the restaurant he learns, "knives and forks, knives and forks!"
At the museum he learns, "oh, how fascinating!"
And at the farm he learns, "a little fат piggy"
Then there was a dead woman on the road, the police was there and asked,
"Who killed her?"
Man answers, "me,me,me!"
Police,"what did you кill her with?"
Man,"knives and forks, knives and forks!"
Police,"you're going to prison!"
Man,"oh, how fascinating!"
Police,"who do you think you are?"
Man, "a little fат piggy"
A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a вusтy blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my growler?”
“Yes, I’m sorry, ” says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes.
“It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it вlоw a kiss to you.”
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
“I can also make it wink, ” says the woman.
The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
“Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat.
The Scotsman moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?”
Stunned, The Scotsman replies, “Good grief! Can it whistle, too?”