Women - Page 21

A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Dамn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s wомв.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”

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Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning.
The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..."
"Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Couple jokes

An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his реnis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his реnis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his реnis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his соск.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
"I know" - replied the man - "I want two hands and a face put on this".

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A funeral service was being held for a you ng woman who had just passed away.
As the pallbearers carried the casket out, they accidentally bumped into a wall. They heard a faint moan come from inside the casket. They opened the casket and found that the woman was still alive! She went on to live 10 more years and then died, and they held another funeral for her. While the pallbearers were carrying her out, her husband yelled, "Watch out for that wall!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms.
‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant.
‘Would you like to buy some?’
‘No thanks,’ replies the woman.
‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A professor told dirтy jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it.
So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a рrоsтiтuте makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class.
So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women

Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!

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Religion jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying.
He walks over to her and asks what's wrong.
"I've never been hugged before" she says.
Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.
She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before."
The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss.
She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem.
"I've never been fuскеd before" she says.
So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fuскеd."

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These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.
They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!"
The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year."
"Okay," they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."

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Divorce Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

This young boy named Don walked into a whоrеhоusе, slammed his money on the counter and said, "I want a woman!"
The man behind the counter asked, "How old are you?
"Don, replied, "I'm 17!
"The man said, "Your too young, come back when your older, mean while practice on trees.
"A year later Don once again came back to the whоrеhоusе, swung the front door open, then shut, stomped over to the front desk and slammed his money on the counter harder then before.
He screamed, "GIVE ME A WOMAN!"
The man behind the counter said, "How old are you?"
Don, shouted, "I AM 18!"
The man took Don's money and said, "OK, up stairs, second door on the left."
Don didn't miss a beat.
He ran up those stairs so fast he skipped every other step.
It wasn't about 5 minutes later when the man behind the counter heard the whоrе up stairs screaming in complete and utter agony.
So he jumped over the counter and ran up the stairs.
Once at the room he kicked in the door and to his surprise Don had a broomstick shoved right up the whоrе's p*ssy.
The man shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Don simply replied, "Checking for squirrels..."

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.

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Genie jokes Jokes about Women Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women

An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear.
The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...".
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
"What is the problem?"
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Military Jokes

Women are like telephones.
They love to be held.
They love to be talked to.
But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.

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Jokes about Women Love Jokes Phone jokes

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI...

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