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Вицове за Жени English Frauen-Witze, Frauenwitze, Fra... Chistes de Mujeres анекдоты про женщин Blague sur les Femmes Barzellette Donne Ανέκδοτα για γυναίκες Жени Kadın Fıkraları Анекдоти про Жінок Piadas de Mulher, Piadas de Mu... Dowcipy i kawały: Kobiety Skämt om kvinnor Vrouwen moppen Jokes om kvinder, Kvindehørm v... Vitser for damer, Vitser om kv... Naisvitsit, Naiset ratissa Viccek nőkről Bancuri Femei Anekdoty a vtipy o ženách a ma... Juokai apie Moteris Joki par sievietēm Vicevi o ženama
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Jokes about Women

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- I gave you life, love, clothes, studies, education. What else did you expect from me?!
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A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there' ..... and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and asked him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages. I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. And there is over twenty million dollars in my bank accounts and portfolio.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.'
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Do you feel dominated by your wife? No, he does not!
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A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)
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(A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing)
Man: Ah… suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?
Lady: Yep. I hate this world.
Man: Well, if your gonna die, can we have sеx before you jump?
Lady: Неll no! You creep!
Man: Ok, fine. I guess I’ll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore…
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There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sеx, pull on my diск once. If you don't want to have sеx, pull on my diск one hundred times."
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A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a соndом company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
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An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.
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You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
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В КАТ:
My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking вееr from a can at the time.
The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own back garden.
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Имам приятел
I’ve got a friend who’s a female private investigator. Or gynaecologist, as he likes to be called.
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A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem. The neighbor says,
"All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden nакеd for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden nакеd for a few minutes. The next morning, the neighbor comes over to the woman's house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red. The woman says "No, they're still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches!"
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Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
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I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
Fucking b*tch.
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WOMAN : if you were my husband id poison your coffee . MAN:if you were my wife id drink it.
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Man: Have I seen you somewhere before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down here
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: If I could see you nакеd, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you nакеd, I'd probably die laughing.
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Other girls be like “I want a 6ft guy”, meanwhile I want to be 6ft under 😃👍
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In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb
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