Baby Jokes

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Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?

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Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."

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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

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When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored
And decided to carve a sculpture with only his
Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called....
Mount Rushmore

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.

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What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.

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How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

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How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies?
He ate his way out.

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A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

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"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"

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Q: Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies?
A: Because two Wongs don't make a white.

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What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

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LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga.
LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vаginа".
When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vаginа". "You can't name your baby that!"
"Don't disrespect me! I be her mama.
I can names her anything I want."
When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"

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What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

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Reason cats are better than babies: When you're done holding cats, you can just drop them on the floor

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Baby Yoda Old Yoda Middle-aged divorced alcoholic Yoda

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