Dad Jokes

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What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.

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How much longer is the Amazonas compared to the Nile?
[Don't know]
By 4 letters.

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They are testing a revolutionary new blender, but they’re getting mixed results.

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Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.

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Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.
It’s too well armed.

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I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find them.

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Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.

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I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs. It’s a look anybody can pull off!

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Two cows meet, one says,
"Mooooo!"
The other one is offended, "Hey, I just wanted to say that!"

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Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."
The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”

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Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
No juice!

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Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life?
Push and Pull.

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Have you heard there was a kidnapping at the school?
[No]
But it’s fine now, the kid woke up again.

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I was a doctor for a while but then I quit. I simply didn’t have enough patience.

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Little Petra asks her dad at breakfast time, “Daddy, can you please teach me how to make eggs?”
Dad shakes his head, “Nope.”
“But why daddy? I want to learn!“
The dad winks at her, “I can’t teach you how to make eggs because I’m not a hen.”

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I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!

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“Esrowneve” may look like gibberish, but when you put it backwards, it’s even worse…

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