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Dad Jokes

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What can a White person say to another White person that a Black person can't say to another Black person?
"Hi dad"
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My daughter can be so cruel...
Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Me: I don't know, what?
Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!
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What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?!
Scratching at the inside of her coffin.
Courtesy of my dad.
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My dad's prostate exam joke
I got a little worried when I noticed hands on both my shoulders.
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I get all kinds of weird looks at the gym. Can’t they
Bring their own pizza?
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Лесно е да разпознаеш гинеколог сред други лекари. - Как се разпознава гинеколога на медицински конгрес? Comment reconnaît-on un gynécologue dans un congrès médical? C'est le seul qui a sa montre sur l'avant-bras. - Jak poznać ginekologa na kongresie lekarzy? - Tylko ginekolog nosi zegarek na bicepsie. - Як розпізнати гінеколога на медичному конгресі? - Тільки у нього одного годинник на передпліччі. Come si fa a riconoscere un ginecologo in un congresso medico? E’ l’unico che porta l’orologio sull’avambraccio. Wie erkennt man einen Gynäkologen im Ärzte- Casino? Er trägt die Armbanduhr hinter dem Ellbogen.
How do you recognize a gynecologist?
He usually wears his watch closer to his elbow.
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Do you know what my dream job is?
[No]
Cashier. Women are literally lining up for you.
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Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
No? Me neither, I took the stairs.
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Other than “It’s fine,” what other life threats do women use?
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Why is our nose right in the middle of our face?
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Well, it is the scenter.
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What would you call a clock covered in chocolate?
Food around the clock.
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Why did the singer take a bucket to her choir practice?
She needed something to carry her tune.
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My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.
What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?
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Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? - А вы знали А вие знаете ли Știați că în Insulele Canare nu există canari? Tot așa e și cu Insulele Virgine. Nici acolo nu sunt canari... Dans les îles canaries y'a pas de canaris. C'est pareil dans les îles vierges... Y'en a pas non plus Wussten Sie Visste dere at det ikke finnes kanarifugler på Kanariøyene? Det gjelder Jomfruøyene også
Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
Really, not a single canary.
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Do you have a car – but no gas money?
Just fаrт in your wallet! Tadaaa – gas money!
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Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
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Unterhalten sich zwei Wände Τι λέει ένας τοίχος στον άλλο; Sagt die eine Wand zur anderen Wand: "Wir treffen uns an der Ecke!" Que dit un mur à un autre mur? On se rencontre au coin? - Vad sa den ena väggen till den andra? - Vi möts i hörnet... Hvad sagde den ene væg til den anden? – Vi mødes ved hjørnet? Hva sa den ene veggen til den andre? Svar: Vi møtes på hjørnet. Co mówi jedna ściana do drugiej? - Spotkamy się na rogu. Vad säger de två väggarna till varandra när de ska ha ett möte? Vi möts i hörnet. Two walls meet at the corner.
Two walls arrange a date – “Let's meet at the corner.”
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Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.
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