Dad Jokes

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I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we’re having for dinner tonight
She replied “i don’t know Dad, Im stumped”

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A little boy walks into the living room and catches his dad jerking off...
Kid yells "ewww!"
Dad says "oh whatever, you'll be doing this soon yourself."
"No I won't!" yells back the kid.
"Oh yes you will, my arm is getting tired."

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My 5 y/old daughter told me no more Dad Jokes.
I told her that the only Dad Joke around here is You.

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I'm getting worried about getting older. My dad died when was only 42.
Then I chill when I remember getting murdered by a hоокеr isn't genetic.

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I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.
My dad always took a good swing at me.

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My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not."
It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

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I liked to pretend my dad was a superhero
He was always the invisible man...

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A son and a dad are talking
Son: Why is the sky blue?
Dad: The same reason your eyes are blue.
Son: So the sky slept with the postman?

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My dad was a stubborn man. He couldn't understand why you shouldn't install a ceiling fаn with duct tape.
And then it hit him.

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Before going to party my dad said,
"Don't bring any girls home, tonight."
That was pretty harsh I thought, considering my sister went with me.

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Son: Hey Dad, theres some guy collecting for the old folks home at the door
Dad: Great! Give him Granny!

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I may look like a joke to you....
... But I'm completely dad inside

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I was playing frisbee with my dad today...
I was playing frisbee with my dad today and was wondering why the frisbee kept getting вiggеr. Then it hit me.

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I told my dad that I don't like being a single child.
"I want a brother!" I said.
He said,
"Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now."
"Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked.
He said,
"No, we're not doing that again."

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What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."

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Do you know why I only date black girls?
Because I hate the awkwardness of meeting a girlfriend's dad

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Whats the best part about dating a black girl?
You rarely have to meet their dad.

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Gift before the Prom
"I'm ready for my first prom daddy"
"Here, take this box son... And don't make the mistake I made"
"Whats in the box dad"
"... Condoms"

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