Dad Jokes

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Lebron's life is like one big compass...
He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.

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My dad said this at his retirement... he is a former principal
"I remember a time when Harass was two words.

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My Dad got a Chia Obama head a couple of years ago.
The box said he would grow an afro, but nothing changed.

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What the difference between my dad and a police officer?
I don't need to be black for my dad to beat me.

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I teased my dad about being bald, so he told me he was going to draw lots of rabbits on his head.
From a distance they will look like hares.

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During dinner, Juan asked his mother....
Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

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Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(

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Why couldn't a transgender man see his mom and dad after he came out to his family?
Because they became transparents

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Ben was at home looking for his super cool amazingly fantastic awesome dad
When it was clear his dad wasn't inside sitting, he went to the window and saw....
That his dad was outstanding

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How do you make a joke into a dad joke
Make the punchline apparent.

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Your dad is in prison and he's got a stutter.
He's never going to finish his sentence.

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Today my daughter asked me, "Dad, how do stars die?"
I replied , "Usually an overdose."

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Dad, why are there so many Chuck Norris jokes but no Bruce Lee jokes?
Dad: Because son, Bruce Lee was no joke.

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It's never okay to say to your adopted child "I'm not your real dad".
That's a faux pa.

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What did my dad say when I wet the bed?
Urine trouble.

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I want to lose my virginity just like my mom did
On prom night, to my dad.

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My girlfriend looks just like her mother when she does her makeup the right way
I could make myself look like my dad, but I don't have any vanishing cream

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Son in Iraq i killed 20 people.
Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic.
Dad: Never said I was a good one.

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