Dad Jokes

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Why do fish make such lousy tennis players?
They’re afraid of coming close to the net.

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What is white and hides behind a tree?
A shy milk.

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Are insecticides good for mosquitos?"
[yes]
Not at all, it kills them!"

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[OC] My friend recently taught his dog how to say "I love you"
I'm still trying to teach my dad.

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I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hоокеr.
It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

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My doctor told me that I had Hepatitis B
When I told my Asian dad, he said,
"Why you no get Hepatitis A?"

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My dad was getting a prostate exam.
He asked the doctor, "Where should I put my pants during the exam?"
"Just toss them in the corner" replied the doctor, "Right next to mine."

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A programmer's wife is having a baby.
The doctor hands over the baby to the dad. The mom asks:
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
The programmer responds:
"Yes, that's true".

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Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school
"Dad i got an F in Geography class"
"Why is that?"
"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies
"Let dad handle this one."

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When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French"
One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand

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Nurse to my dad at the hospital...
... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
Nurse: looks to my mom
Mom: no.

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So I have a pretty good fathers day joke
Can't wait to tell my dad when he finally brings the milk home

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My dad said his first car had a Dual-55 air conditioning system.
All you have to do is to roll down both of the windows and drive 55 miles an hour.

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What's the difference between your dad and this joke?
This joke will be back someday

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A stormtrooper sits down to have dinner with his family...
His son asks him "dad what is this we are eating?"
The stromtrooper replies "Baby wookie steaks. How is it?"
His sons says "It's a little chewy."

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Today I pulled the dad jokes of all dad jokes.
At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.
Then, I said,
"Oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..
I should be ashamed.

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Lebron's life is like one big compass...
He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.

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My dad said this at his retirement... he is a former principal
"I remember a time when Harass was two words.

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