Dark Humor

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.

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Doctor:
"Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man:
"Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

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Lester Barrie: Solution to the Gang Problem.
It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having. I just got to get some people behind me, right? I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.

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Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!
"Shut up and keep digging, boy."

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It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

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Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one ruввish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 ruввish bins.

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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.

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Do you remember how everyone was trying to кill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.

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What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.

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When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.

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What rule could stop НIV in Africa?
Sex after dinner only.

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Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."

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What goes:
"Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?
Click-is that it?"
A blind person with a rubix cube.

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What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.

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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."

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So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a реdорhilе walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

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Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

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