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Dark Humor

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A реdорhilе.
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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Did you hear about the male рrоsтiтuте who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around.
„What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by.
The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
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I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath.
"Here's the cutest baby animal ever."
"Now let's watch something eat it."
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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What has more brains than a dead baby?
The wall behind it.
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They вlоw up so fast, don’t they?"
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
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Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor?
A: Not cool.
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Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue?
A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
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One step forward, 12 floors down.
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A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fuскеd before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven
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Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
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