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My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

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First cannibal:
"Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal:
"What are you having?"
First cannibal:
"Hard-boiled legs."

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Аnаl sеx is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.

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I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a роrnо movie when I saw a woman being rареd.
Saved myself a fiver.

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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: "Is that you coughin'?"

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried...Ever.

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Girl - Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy - I tried it once but their аsshоlеs are too small.

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How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

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After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

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What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

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My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

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What do you call a old snowman?
Water.

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There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American.
They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country.
The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
There is a lot of sushi in my country.
Next is the French guy. He throws off a соndом.
There is too much love in my country.
Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
There is too much taco in my country.
Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
There are too much Mexicans in my country.

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First cannibal:
"I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal:
"But the jungle's full of people."
First cannibal:
"Yes, but they're all very unsavory."

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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."

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What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
His son running away with your VCR.

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Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiот combing his hair with a potato peeler.

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