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Doctor to patient:
"Why are you nervous?"
Patient:
"Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor:
"But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."

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Why do old Jews have outhouses?
Because their afraid of the showers.

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A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was:
“She was just lying there nакеd on the table, what was I supposed to do?”
The wife reply’s:
“Perform the fuскing autopsy!”

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How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."

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How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.

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How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

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Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!

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How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.

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Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fuскing with you, it was born dead".

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Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’

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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

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An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was вlоw the plays.

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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

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"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.

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A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hеll and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth.
The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared.
The Mexican, nervously токе the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared.
The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames.
Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

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What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.

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