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There is nothing funny about the death penalty -- except the name. Folks, death is not a penalty; 10 yards is a penalty.

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Whoever said money does not grow on trees obviously never grew weed

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What is the worst thing you can do to a blind person?
Put them in a circular room and say your breakfast is in the corner!

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You never see the Кlаn in Manhattan for one important reason -- the city is smart. They don't build lawns to burn the crosses on.

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Police are meant to protect you, but when you see them do you feel safe or paranoid?

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When life gives you potatoes you must be from Ireland.

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Death is near. if YOU dont kickass This AND send it to ten of YOUR friends, YOUR Death will come. A person ignored This and who knows Where he went? a girl sent This to only five of his friends and had hallucinations that made her mad. Ignore This AND YOUR fate...... is sealed

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I'm not a confrontational guy. I don't like confrontation. I don't know if you can tell, but I have the build of a victim.

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Ad: Donate just one dollar and you can save a child's life. Yeah, well you just spent like $1,000 dollars for this ad. Good job.

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You see all these mafia movies; Italians are always portrayed as angry, violent people. That's not right. As far as we Italians are concerned -- hey, listen, we don't hurt people, but people get hurt, you know? Accidents happen! You walk outside, trip and fall on an ice pick, six or seven times, you know? Right away, they blame Vinny. That's not right.

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I was lying in bed last night, I got scared:
'What if I died right now from very immensely, incredibly delayed crib death?'

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You can't compare the gаy struggle to the black struggle. You can't do that. First of all, y'all got a closet that you can come in and out of whenever you feel like it. Black people, we ain't got no closet that we can come in and out of. You can't get pulled over by the police at midnight like, 'Oh, I'd better stay in the closet; I don't want to get my аss beat.'

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So, I've been temping at the job that laid me off. And that's awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I've come back to shoot them.

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Me: hey its Miley Cyrus!
Friend: oh yah......... why is she with your mom?
Me: she told me she's going to audition to be Miley Cyrus wrecking ball.
Friend: that explains alot

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If u hate Donald Trump vote kick ass
I mean what freak stops a civilisation Look at his(sarcastically) "well thought plan to stop Muslims from entering America, " Police will ask them if they r Muslims"
Ever heard of lying genius!

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You ever notice when you shoot someone with a gun, they do two things that are really annoying? It's true. They tell you that you shot them, over and over again -- I hate that -- and then they tell you where you shot them, over and over again. They're like, 'You shot my shoulder! I can't believe you shot my shoulder! My shoulder's been hit!' And I'm like, 'That's where I was aiming.'

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Difference between Indian Movies and American
Movie :
-
American movies :
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than
Teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U. S. population are FBI/
CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system of U. S. is to
Promote basketball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U. S.
5. U. S. is a place where you can meet all
Mythical creatures like were wolves and vampires.
.
.
Indian movies :
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry,
Whichever wire you cut u'll always choose the
Right".
3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten
Up,
But will show pain when a girl cleans up his
Wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is
Suspended from duty.
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street,
Everyone you meet will know the steps.

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Kickass if you are a man, lame if you are a woman

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