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Q. what is the name of kickass's brother
A. Jackass

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I nominate everybody on the titanic for a ice bucket water challenge!!!

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Whats Big Wet And Green That Is Nocturnal.
- I Dont Know.
- Thats Why Im Asking

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I asked her to record the game on ESPN, which she did, but not ESPN-HD. And then she says, 'Well, at least you still get to watch it.' Oh yeah, I pay extra money so I can watch TV like poor people. I don't even feel bad for cheating on you this weekend.

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I had a kid who threatened to кill me one year because I gave him an F. Another teacher caught one of my students writing 'Кill Mr. Vallee' in his weekly planner in the section labeled 'Weekly Goals and Objectives.' And the school was freakin' out. They didn't know what to do about it. They kept asking me if I felt threatened, and I'm like, 'Why? This kid hasn't met any goals in his objectives all year.'

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At a live orchestra, and lightening strikes, who gets hit first?
The Conductor

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If you expect a kick in the ваlls and you get a slap in the face, then it's a victory.

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I moved here about 13 years ago from Seattle, Washington. I left a city that has a high suicide rate for a city that has a high homicide rate. I guess I'm just not a 'do-it-yourself' kind of person.

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It's cool to be back in Cleveland. I lived in L. A. for eight years. I can't tell you how cool it is to be able to go to the bank and make a deposit without body armor on.

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There is a blind kid in his room and his mother walks in to give him his soup.
Mom: If you drop that soup you will see whats coming.
Blind kid: *drops soup* Mom its not working.

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Remember the old days? Grandma died -- you brought her in the backyard, and you buried her. Tract housing ruined that.

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There is nothing funny about the death penalty -- except the name. Folks, death is not a penalty; 10 yards is a penalty.

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What is the worst thing you can do to a blind person?
Put them in a circular room and say your breakfast is in the corner!

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What does a pregnant teen and her unborn baby have in common?
They're both thinking "oh shiт my mom is going to кill me".

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You never see the Кlаn in Manhattan for one important reason -- the city is smart. They don't build lawns to burn the crosses on.

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Police are meant to protect you, but when you see them do you feel safe or paranoid?

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When life gives you potatoes you must be from Ireland.

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Death is near. if YOU dont kickass This AND send it to ten of YOUR friends, YOUR Death will come. A person ignored This and who knows Where he went? a girl sent This to only five of his friends and had hallucinations that made her mad. Ignore This AND YOUR fate...... is sealed

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