Dating jokes, Online dating jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left.
I don’t want to intimidate her with the competition right away

0

0

I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn’t think she knew about.

0

0

My girlfriend complained to me that the diamond in her engagement ring is too small.
“It’s so tiny,” she remarked. “I want a big rock.
- ” Hope she likes the headstone I’ve picked out.

0

0

My girlfriend’s so childish.
She comes in the bathroom when I’m in the bath and sinks my boats.

0

0

A mathematician couldn’t remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2.
But he knew it was

0

0

Have you guys seen these nursing bras? The cup opens right up. You have a simple snap on the cup: cup - рооf - opens right up. Where have these been? I spent 16 years with my hand behind her back… … ‘What is that? a staple? a strap? a button? Huh? I have to tighten it to get it loose? How many fingernails did I break on those tiny hooks over the years? Need a little help?’ …
…
And she could unhook that hammock blindfolded with her hands behind her back. … Sheesh!

0

0

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
“Your оrgаn,” she replied. “It’s a bit on the small side.”
Hurt, he replied:
“It’s not used to playing in cathedrals.”

0

0

I once dated a girl with multiple personalities.
They were all terrible but luckily they all had an amazing body.

0

0

I asked my date if she’d ever done drugs. ….
….
“No,” she said, taking a sip of her Evian water. …
….
I quietly thought to myself, “Well, you have now.”

0

0

My girlfriend says she is going to leave me because I keep living in the past.
Nagging вiтсh, I liked her much better when we first met.

0

0

I hate it when my Scouse girlfriend gets changed into her pyjamas.
I don’t know if she’s going to bed or going shopping?

0

0

So I went to the club last night, chatted up this German chick and asked her for her number…
And you’ll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

0

0

If I were to ask you out, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?

0

0

I was sitting reading the paper this afternoon when the kitchen door flew open. Standing there was my wife, wearing hotpants, a tiny little vest top and flip-flops, carrying a small bucket of really soapy water. Looking at her i got really excited
She placed the bucket between her feet while she seductively pulled on a pair of bright pink rubber gloves. After a saucy walk to me, hips swinging like a catwalk model, she pushed my knees apart and knelt between them. She removed my belt and dragged my pants off, then pulled a small sponge from the warm soapy water.
With expert hands she lathered up my соск and вuм-hole, getting me harder and more еrест than ever before. Finally, she took me into her mouth and brought me to an оrgаsм I thought was never going to end.
I must admit though, I was really рissеd off.
I honestly thought she was about to wash the car.

0

0

Two hillbillies break up with each other after going out together for a few years.
“Well.” says one to the other, “I suppose we better look on the bright side of things, at least we can still be brother and sister.”

0

0

I call my girlfriend Durex.
Because she spends 90% of the time in my wallet

0

0

The last time I left my girlfriend it took her two weeks to notice I was gone.
Next time I’m taking all her shoes with me.

0

0

Successful Kisses are like Real Estate …
Location, Location, Location!

0

0