Dating jokes, Online dating jokes
Ted buys a harley. The seller tells him, “whenever it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome so it won’t rust.”
Tht night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents dey take the bike. But just before they go in, She says: Wen we eat, we don’t talk cuz d 1st person who says anyth has to do the dishes.”k”, he says. Dey sit down & no one says a word.
As dinner goes on, Ted decides to test d situation,he reaches over & grabs her воов. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, & screws her right there, But no 1 says a word. Then he grabs the mom n fcuks her too But still, Total silence. All of a sudden it starts to rain. Ted remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket… Suddenly the father shouts:
“I’ll DO the FUСКIN’ dishes!
Via Shiromi
Pierre, a french fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the river Seine. It`s a beautiful day and love is in the air, so Marie leans over to Pierre and says, “Pierre, kiss me!”
So our hero grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes it on Marie`s lips.
“What are you doing, Pierre?” shrieks Marie.
“Well, my name is Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!” His answer is good enough for Marie and things begin to heat up.
So she says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”
Our hero rips off her blouse, grabs a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her t*ts.
“Pierre, what are you doing?”
“My name is Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!” They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans over once more and softly whispers into his ear, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”
Pierre tears off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and sprinkles it all over her bush. He grabs a match and lights it on fire. Patting the flames out furiously, Marie screams, “PIERRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?”
“My name is Pierre, the French Fighter Pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!”
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Paris. Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nudе, except for a pair of black lacy раnтiеs - he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black раnтiеs?”
She replied:
“My upper half you can see, my body is yours to explore,but down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same - she stood there wearing the black раnтiеs, and he was in his birthday suit, but now he was wearing a black соndом.
She looked at him and asked:
“What’s with the black соndом?”
He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”