Prince Charles was driving around his mother’s estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp.
He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground.
He dug it up, polished it and immediately a Genie appeared.
“You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, ” said the Genie”
As a reward I shall grant you one wish.”
“Well, ” said the Prince, “I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.”
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog.
“Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me..?” the Prince asked.
The Genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head.
“This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.
Is there something else you would like..?”
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos.
“I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana, ” said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo.
“But now I love this woman called Camilla, ” and he showed the genie the second photo.
“You see Camilla isn’t beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana..?”
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, “Let’s have another look at that frickin’ dog”
Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman, are walking through a field in Normandy during WW1, all of a sudden they see the German army coming over the hill, thinking quickly they run and hide in a nearby barn.
The German army follow them into the barn and can see lots of sacks of grain.
The soldiers start kicking the bags they get to the Englishman hiding in a sack, they kick it, “woof” goes the Englishman, the German soldiers say it’s a dog and move on.
They get to the Scotsman hiding in a sack, they kick it, “meow” goes th scots man, the German soldier say it’s a cat and move on.
They finally come to the Irishman hiding in a sack, they kick it. The Irishman shouts “POTATOES”
Mary had a little Sheep,
With the Sheep she went to sleep.
Sheep Turned out to be a RAM,
And Mary had a little Lamb.
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Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, “Hey, what happened to your cherry?”
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Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
But Jill preferred the candlestick!
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Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it’s ass
And turned it’s wool to nylon.
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Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a воnе.
But when old mother веnт over,
Rover drove her, because
Rover had a воnе of his own.
Two men are walking their dogs, a Poodle and a German Shepherd. They decide they’d like to go into a bar for a drink.
“But we can’t bring our dogs into that bar,” says the Poodle’s human.
“No problem,” says the German Shepherd’s human. “Just watch this.”
He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender.
“But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the German Shepherd’s human.
The bartender apologizes and shows him to a chair.
The Poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender.
“But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the Poodle’s human.
The bartender objects, “Hey, Poodles can’t be seeing eye dogs!”
The Poodle owner gasps, “What?! The agency gave me a poodle?!”