Internet Jokes

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Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers.
The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes."
The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

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Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...

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A press release:
"Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network реnетrатiоn and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."

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When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can't find him.

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Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, sеxy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!

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Yo mama's so fат, that her MySpace has no space.

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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.

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A blonde complains to a brunette friend that her Internet is down.
The brunette friend offers to let the blonde check her e-mail at her house.
"That's OK," says the blonde. "Why don't you check it and forward me what I got?"

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I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.

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My dad discovered the Internet. Uh, just because someone raised you, does not mean that you have to add them on Facebook.

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I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it 'Ваng".
I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

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Yo Momma is so fат, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

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How do barmen surf the web?
On the Gin-ternet.

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If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.

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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

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TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am.
You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer.
That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?
TECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?

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Chuck Norris has a website, is called the internet.

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If Chuck Norris were to write his own "Chuck Norris Facts", this website would have to be changed to "Chuck Norris Laws. Com".

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