Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him. This upset the teacher, who said him, "Johnny, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!"
So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room. He slammed the door behind him, "So Honey, didn't expect ME, didya?"
One day little Johnny’s teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment. She puts up the first picture, “What is this a picture of class?” she asks.
Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand. Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirтy in mind and picks Suzy.”What is this Suzy?”.
“Its a rake”.
“Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?” she asks and points at the next picture. Johnny’s hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.
“That’s a pitchfork” says little Anne.
“Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?” The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny.
Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny. “OK Johnny, what is this?”.
All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn’t know the answer. “UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it’s a shovel.”
“No Johnny, this isn’t a shovel, this is a hое”.
“What? My sister’s one and she doesn’t look nutin’ like that!!”
Little Johnny is asked by his teacher:
“What is the most wonderful thing in life for you?”
“Well, sir,” says Johnny, “when I think about it, the most wonderful thing in life for me is a pretty girl with big t*ts and a wet рussy.”
The teacher is infuriated and writes a note that Little Johnny has to give to his father.
The next day, the teacher asks:
“So, Johnny, what did your daddy say?”
“Well, sir,” says Johnny, “we sat down in the living room and drank an espresso, read your note and talked, then we poured ourselves a cognac, smoked a joint and talked some more. In the end, we decided you must be a fсuкing quееr.”
One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day. … …
…
“Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?” she asked. …
…
Straight A’s Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, “The tree is definitely green.” …
…
“Sorry Sally,” says the teacher “but since the tree has a brown trunk it is not definitely green. Anyone else?” …
…
Timmy in the middle of the class raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.” … …
“Sorry Timmy, but since there are clouds in the sky it can’t be definitely blue. Anyone else?” … …
After a few minutes little Johnny in the back row raises his hand and says, “Is a fаrт wet?”
The teacher steels herself for another session with Little Johnny’s vulgаr mouth and says, “Excuse me? What was that Johnny?”
Johnny replies, “Is a fаrт wet?”
“Well no.” The teacher says.
To which Johnny replied, “Well then I definitely shiт my pants.”
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,” and would his mother, “please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…
So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- Ok, now take off my skirt…
And he takes off her skirt.
- Now take off my вrа…
Which he does.
- And now, Johnny, please take off my раnтiеs.
And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
“Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”